Outerwear Part 1 of 6
I didn’t know I had footwear issues until last Friday. I was at mom’s group and as I intently listened to Jill, my eyes were caught by the 20+ pairs of cute painted toe-nail feet adorned by a wide assortment of SANDALS.
It got me thinking. Should I be wearing sandals too? Why hadn’t this phenomena dawned on me as well? What plane did I miss; was I sleeping during the part of “girlie girl education” where they discussed the pros and cons of sandals?
So, THAT thought got me to thinking even FURTHER about the WHY’s of a lot of things I am doing with my outer appearance, which of course will spill over into other areas of my heart, mind & spirit as well. Over the next couple of months, I am going to examine some of these areas, such as hair, make-up, clothing, nails, accessories….. whatever else comes to mind, and delve into the truth about what I am doing and why I am doing it. I am also interested in gathering as much input as I can along the way. Feel free to comment on each topic with any story that you have, and if you feel comfortable sharing your background experience of why you wear what you do….or DON’T… I would love for you to do that! But ONLY if you feel comfortable!!!! OK??
The Great Sandal Redemption
I have always been a Keds kind of girl I guess. Actually, not even Keds… I’ve just usually wear the cheap $6 white tennis shoes and have always LOVED wearing socks. I can remember my younger brother trying to pry socks off of me when I was still living at home. He’d grab the end of a sock on my foot, and try as he would to get them off (just to BUG me of course)… I usually won the battle. I HATED being without socks.
I’ve got this sock thing going on now where I absolutely LOVE interesting socks. I have socks for pretty much every holiday, and wore Easter socks this year well into May. I have monkey socks, sheep socks, cat socks, stripey socks in many different colors that DON’T have to necessarily GO with anything I’m wearing. I just sort of feel a freedom to wear what I want, and when it comes to socks, I’m comfortable with what I choose.
Well, over the weekend, I started thinking about WHY I wear socks and shoes ALL THE TIME, and what the big deal was with the sandal believers. One factor that might have something to do with WHY people wear sandals became crystal clear as I realized, how hot my feet were in my socks and shoes on our 90+ degree Saturday over the weekend. YUCK! I don’t know why I haven’t noticed this before, but I had to continue to endure the heat, or else fall prey to the sandal phenomena.
Well, I had to work on Sunday evening, and thought I’d bring up the sandal topic to my friends there. My friend Lori, God love her, told me that she happens to be a Keds girl too, BUT she ALSO gave me some very important potential sandal wearer information. She told me that if you wear sandals, you should paint your toenails and not have horrible feet. YIPES!!! Don’t we ALL hate our feet??? Well, my other friend Betsy said she didn’t think she had cute feet, but it didn’t stop her from wearing them. WOW….!!!! That helped!!! The simple thing that Lori suggested, was that I could just go out and buy a pair of sandals, try them out… and if I hated them, I could just never wear them again!!! WOW AGAIN! There was a freedom that came on me at that point as I tapped into the kindness of sisterhood right there in front of me. I thought I just might try that idea. So on Memorial Day, I painted my toe nails pink and crammed my bare feet into my favorite torn up pair of white slip-on tennis shoes that really needed to visit a trashcan permanently, and took off by myself to Kohls. I was just in awe at the amount of sandal choices there were. I was completely overwhelmed, but had a good chunk of time to just try a LOT on. At first my feet just felt so NAKED. It took about my 7th pair before I started getting into it. Then I started getting PICKY. At one point, Miss… “I’m never going to wear sandals and you can’t make me” had 4 BOXES of sandals, two under each arm, as I tried to find space in an unoccupied corner to try them all on. I narrowed it down to a pair that had pink straps, which were flip flopish, and another that had brown straps with soles that were form fitted to the bottoms of my feet. I couldn’t decide, so I carried the boxes around for a while, and then just got BOTH of them! I got in the car and proceeded to drive to Target, (actually thinking about MORE sandals at this point…I’m such a psycho!). I sat in the parking lot and de-tagged the pink ones and slipped them on. I figured no one in there would know that I was NOT a sandal person!
As I walked through Target, I just felt this “sassy thing” come over me. I discovered that you can’t walk quite as fast in sandals as you can in little white tennis shoes. I felt like I NEEDED to take my time, cuz, eh-em…. I was wearing sandals.
Once I got back home with them, it changed the whole way I felt about making dinner and doing other chores. I felt pretty, girlie, and like I had needs too.
I’ve discovered that if I’m at a place of being open to something new and scary, in order to step out and try it, I need some gentle reassurance and persuasion. The LOOK!!! Thank you to my friend Jenney who has “The Look” down pat! I’m telling you, when it’s the right person this approach gets immediate results with me. THAT’S A MIRACLE! Me moving FAST, when I’m APPREHENSIVE??? Whew!!!! Jill is my friend who can “suggest something”… and then can suggest it AGAIN… and with her loving persistence, she encourages me to try new things, and new approaches I didn’t think I had the courage for. Thank you Jill! I wouldn’t be a blogger without you!
Finding GENTLE reassurance is essential. We all have a choice to make. We can live in our cooped up little worlds where we don’t involve anyone in our personal matters, and where there is no risk, and NO CHANGE, where we don’t know what anyone thinks, but we’re SAFE??? Right??? But there ARE different levels of vulnerability. I realized that my “sandal issues” were a matter for “understanding people”, since I needed to “get over” my foot self consciousness, (which didn’t take long did it?) I can just tell them when I find them… close friends or the ladies I ask for their “opinion from” at the store when I’m shopping alone. Don’t you ever do that??? Also, I guess that once we make a decision, with or without help… we really aren’t looking for critique of our end choice unless we ask for it, which we’re probably NOT going to do. What are your thoughts on the topic? Do you like sandals, do you think you have cute feet/ugly feet, and does this influence you in your shoe choices? Do you have trouble letting trustworthy friends into your personal stuff? Would you ever ask a complete stranger in a store for their opinion if you weren’t
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
More Lord!
I was spending some time with the Lord this morning while the kids were all still in bed for a 2 hour delay..PRAISE GOD for that sweet time..
AND.. I was praying, COME Lord, MORE Lord!! BEFORE I read the Psalm He laid before me...
Here's what I read after I prayed...
Out of Zion (us) the perfection of beauty, GOD WILL SHINE FORTH!!
Our God SHALL COME, and shall NOT keep silent. Psalm 50:2b-3a
Oh, isn't He soooo good!!
Yesterday, an amazing amazing woman was at prayer group. She owns an orphanage in Thailand called Agape Home. She was sharing testimony after testimony of God's goodness, power and favor.
One story impacted me sooo much.
God told a man (don't remember if it was her husband or not... she knew him though)... to go to a certain country. (can't remember the country.. but it doesn't matter) He didn't have a ticket!! He didn't have a ticket!!
So, in obedience, he packed his bags, went to the airport, stood in line.. WITHOUT MONEY OR A TICKET... and just as he was next in line to the counter, he heard the Lord tell him to go to the bathroom and pee. =) too funny!?!?!
He wrestled with God for a couple of moments..then went. He left his bag outside the bathroom. and went in to pee. When he came out of the bathroom, HE WAS IN THE COUNTRY he was supposed to travel to!!!
Ok, so when I heard this story... not only was I dumbfounded at God... but I was dumbfounded that my faith only pictured a ticket waiting for him on his suitcase when he came out of the bathroom... but never in a zillion years believed God for miraculous transportation. I knew that God had taken Elijah and Elisha to heaven in the bible.. but until I researched it out more... I didn't realize there were many other such similar miracles God did. Ezekiel 11:24, Daniel 14:36, 1 Kings 18:12...etc.
I mean... a miracle is something that ONLY GOD can do.. that defies the laws of nature, be it human OR physical nature...
WHY OH WHY do I limit God so??? Oh, and why do I only believe in something God's done before??? Why not have the faith of Joshua and tell the sun to stand still??
I am so deeply deeply encouraged to explode the lid even further off of what I expect God to do when I pray. As Jesus says in the story of the little girl who was raised from the dead....Luke 8:50 Don't be afraid... ONLY BELIEVE.
You know what??? SIGN........... ME............. UP!!!
More Lord!!!
Actually, I found a definition today for more...in the Hebrew...
3254- yacaph- to add or augment, to CONTINUE TO DO A THING!!, come more, conceive again, continue, exceed gather together, get more, give more, proceed further, prolong, stronger.
Here's a verse that uses that word for more...
Psalm 71:14-16a
But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet MORE and MORE. My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and Your salvation ALL THE DAY, for I do not know their limits. I will go in the strength of the Lord God.
I await His intervention. I ask Him to lead me to pray for the impossible and see the glory of Himself revealed more and more in my life... TODAY!!!
AND.. I was praying, COME Lord, MORE Lord!! BEFORE I read the Psalm He laid before me...
Here's what I read after I prayed...
Out of Zion (us) the perfection of beauty, GOD WILL SHINE FORTH!!
Our God SHALL COME, and shall NOT keep silent. Psalm 50:2b-3a
Oh, isn't He soooo good!!
Yesterday, an amazing amazing woman was at prayer group. She owns an orphanage in Thailand called Agape Home. She was sharing testimony after testimony of God's goodness, power and favor.
One story impacted me sooo much.
God told a man (don't remember if it was her husband or not... she knew him though)... to go to a certain country. (can't remember the country.. but it doesn't matter) He didn't have a ticket!! He didn't have a ticket!!
So, in obedience, he packed his bags, went to the airport, stood in line.. WITHOUT MONEY OR A TICKET... and just as he was next in line to the counter, he heard the Lord tell him to go to the bathroom and pee. =) too funny!?!?!
He wrestled with God for a couple of moments..then went. He left his bag outside the bathroom. and went in to pee. When he came out of the bathroom, HE WAS IN THE COUNTRY he was supposed to travel to!!!
Ok, so when I heard this story... not only was I dumbfounded at God... but I was dumbfounded that my faith only pictured a ticket waiting for him on his suitcase when he came out of the bathroom... but never in a zillion years believed God for miraculous transportation. I knew that God had taken Elijah and Elisha to heaven in the bible.. but until I researched it out more... I didn't realize there were many other such similar miracles God did. Ezekiel 11:24, Daniel 14:36, 1 Kings 18:12...etc.
I mean... a miracle is something that ONLY GOD can do.. that defies the laws of nature, be it human OR physical nature...
WHY OH WHY do I limit God so??? Oh, and why do I only believe in something God's done before??? Why not have the faith of Joshua and tell the sun to stand still??
I am so deeply deeply encouraged to explode the lid even further off of what I expect God to do when I pray. As Jesus says in the story of the little girl who was raised from the dead....Luke 8:50 Don't be afraid... ONLY BELIEVE.
You know what??? SIGN........... ME............. UP!!!
More Lord!!!
Actually, I found a definition today for more...in the Hebrew...
3254- yacaph- to add or augment, to CONTINUE TO DO A THING!!, come more, conceive again, continue, exceed gather together, get more, give more, proceed further, prolong, stronger.
Here's a verse that uses that word for more...
Psalm 71:14-16a
But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet MORE and MORE. My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and Your salvation ALL THE DAY, for I do not know their limits. I will go in the strength of the Lord God.
I await His intervention. I ask Him to lead me to pray for the impossible and see the glory of Himself revealed more and more in my life... TODAY!!!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Only Believe
I've gotta start blogging again. I need a way to express what God's doing in my life without spamming my girlfriends' in boxes. =) I know they don't mind... but this really is better!
I am so excited to be walking in obedience with Jesus and FINALLY at a place where my heart is open to Him, and willing to JUST BELIEVE and obey what He asks me to do.
Here's a little snitch I got the other day from Him... SOO encouraging!
I was really struck at the situation that occurred with Peter, James and John & the synagogue ruler & his wife in the room with the little girl. The story is from Luke 8... you'll have to look it up if you need the details..
Jesus told everyone BEFORE they went into her house "don't be afraid, ONLY BELIEVE, and she will be made well." In other words,
BELIEVE BEFORE you see how bad a situation REALLY is. Halleluiah!
The Greek word for believe here means to trust, and ENTRUST your spiritual/mental..... well being to Him. I felt like this was a word for me that all I need to do is BELIEVE. The Lord is "messing with" so many 'past hope areas' in our lives... like the little girl. When He told P, J &J and the mom and dad that she wasn't dead, only asleep.. they RIDICULED him and laughed in pain and bitterness, at the cruelty of this sortof a remark. They were obviously in pain, and it seemed like the craziest,meanest thing for a person of sound mind, and "supposed divinity" to question their ability to assess if someone was dead or not, and give them such a ridiculous call to hope.
He's saying... lean in and ONLY believe, I'm NOT MESSING WITH YOU. You have permission to fully lean into me, and entrust your emotions and spiritualwell being to ME........ I will raise the dead in these areas.
I am so excited to be walking in obedience with Jesus and FINALLY at a place where my heart is open to Him, and willing to JUST BELIEVE and obey what He asks me to do.
Here's a little snitch I got the other day from Him... SOO encouraging!
I was really struck at the situation that occurred with Peter, James and John & the synagogue ruler & his wife in the room with the little girl. The story is from Luke 8... you'll have to look it up if you need the details..
Jesus told everyone BEFORE they went into her house "don't be afraid, ONLY BELIEVE, and she will be made well." In other words,
BELIEVE BEFORE you see how bad a situation REALLY is. Halleluiah!
The Greek word for believe here means to trust, and ENTRUST your spiritual/mental..... well being to Him. I felt like this was a word for me that all I need to do is BELIEVE. The Lord is "messing with" so many 'past hope areas' in our lives... like the little girl. When He told P, J &J and the mom and dad that she wasn't dead, only asleep.. they RIDICULED him and laughed in pain and bitterness, at the cruelty of this sortof a remark. They were obviously in pain, and it seemed like the craziest,meanest thing for a person of sound mind, and "supposed divinity" to question their ability to assess if someone was dead or not, and give them such a ridiculous call to hope.
He's saying... lean in and ONLY believe, I'm NOT MESSING WITH YOU. You have permission to fully lean into me, and entrust your emotions and spiritualwell being to ME........ I will raise the dead in these areas.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Comfort is way overrated. Right?
May 10, 2005
So, what do I start with? Welcome to my blog. Glad you're reading. Pull up a comfy chair in here, and hang out with me. At least you're comfortable for now, right?
I think I need to begin here with explaining what Jill is to me. I think everyone needs a "Jill" in their life, but, hey, maybe you ARE one. Now, that's a thought that hurts my head... Do "Jills" need a "Jill?" ... I DON'T THINK SO!!! That could get ugly.
Do you need help getting motivated? Do you have things about you that you're good at, but are too afraid to admit it? Do you procrastinate? Are you lacking in the security department? I am... OUCH... that was hard to admit. Well, thankfully, I have a friend who sees through all of my excuses and won't let me ignore what she claims to see in me. It is wonderful and painful all at the same time. I am a creature of comfort.... but comfort is not such a comfortable place when I know I need to stretch myself by getting off the "hamster wheel of life". I need to pop the lid off the cage I've been quite content to live in.
So this is my first attempt at freedom. Yipes... I think there is a cat on the loose!
So, what do I start with? Welcome to my blog. Glad you're reading. Pull up a comfy chair in here, and hang out with me. At least you're comfortable for now, right?
I think I need to begin here with explaining what Jill is to me. I think everyone needs a "Jill" in their life, but, hey, maybe you ARE one. Now, that's a thought that hurts my head... Do "Jills" need a "Jill?" ... I DON'T THINK SO!!! That could get ugly.
Do you need help getting motivated? Do you have things about you that you're good at, but are too afraid to admit it? Do you procrastinate? Are you lacking in the security department? I am... OUCH... that was hard to admit. Well, thankfully, I have a friend who sees through all of my excuses and won't let me ignore what she claims to see in me. It is wonderful and painful all at the same time. I am a creature of comfort.... but comfort is not such a comfortable place when I know I need to stretch myself by getting off the "hamster wheel of life". I need to pop the lid off the cage I've been quite content to live in.
So this is my first attempt at freedom. Yipes... I think there is a cat on the loose!
Salty Girl
May 12, 2005
Heartlight.org's verse of the day is:
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."-- Matthew 5:13
THEIR THOUGHT:
Jesus wanted us to never give up our moral distinctiveness, our redemptive influence, nor our loving impact on those around us. The purpose of our presence in the world is to be an influence in our culture against further decay and to season the bitter, dog-eat-dog world with grace and mercy.
MY THOUGHTS:
Whew!! I KNOW someone who REALLY does this well! She is living in an area of town that will declare her either prisoner, or missionary in her neighborhood. She is choosing missionary.
There are drug dealers, drug users, child neglecters, I just can't paint the picture well enough for you to GET IT... but there is gun fire in their neighborhood at night sometimes, loud music, and several weeks ago her neighbor across the street was killed. ACROSS THE STREET!
So, what is this family's response? I think that deep down, and maybe not too very deep.. they want to get the heck out of there. But for now, they are being salt.
There is a constant crowd of children in her yard as soon as the weather warms up in the spring, and throughout the summer, as she referees, she feeds them, and does all she can to serve, accept, love and listen to them while maintaining the "rules of the yard". She would love to have a quiet place for her kids to play, but for now, she's being light.
She has brought bagels, and countless other gifts of kindness to her 95 year old neighbor, and holds her dear enough to have her kids refer to her in a grandmotherly way. She has given rides to people, and provided on so many occasions, I just will never how many, she has delivered basic stuff to her neighbors who just couldn't afford at the time.
Oh, her husband is not without praise here too. He has a heart of gold as well, and felt LED to bring bottled water and fruit to the abandoned factory behind their house last week. I believe their target was the homeless who would visit the old building in the next 24 hours. They ran into graffiti artists instead, and God used my friend's friendly... "hey how's it going" demeanor to invite the girl into a small conversation, where she was just able to encounter Jesus love oozing out of every pore of my friend's being.
Lately, they've been called to draw a line in the sand and hold the neighborhood accountable for their many infringements on their peace, as well as the law. With tears welling up in my dear friends eyes, she shared with me and a group my close friends how angry it makes her when she encounters such resistance to God. She is offended in so many ways at the way people behave so badly in her neighborhood, but the thing that really "gets her" is that they are doing it to her Jesus. She has such a heart to see these people redeemed and set free from the chains of their lifestyles that have lasted just generations.
I have never personally encountered such a true true love for people who don't have Jesus.
My personal fleshly desire is to just pray pray pray that God would get them out of this neighborhood NOW! When you love someone, you just want to see them free of the yuck of life, and yet, this yuck is presently where God has her. I am so conflicted in my heart, wanting peace and protection, a fenced in backyard, peaceful nights without being woken up by loud music or knocks on the door from detectives; and yet, I know they are not only OK... but kept as safe if not safer than I probably am in my cozy little suburbian neighborhood. God is watching over them, and longs to continue to move through them to spread the light of His awesome love in a very very dark place.
They are missionaries.
Now, here is my question for myself, and for you. What yuck are you serving in today? Has God called you to live less than comfortable in some way, and even though you KNOW it won't last forever, it CAN'T last forever..... is there a way you can be salty right where you are? Believe in the power of the little things your heart is led to do. Don't let your heart be lied to that the words that you need to speak to a friend, the thanks you can offer the salesperson who is faithfully serving you in some way today, the line you can draw with a person who needs to see the love in your boundaries, the offering of kindness to your spouse who isn't doing the same at the moment, don't make a HUGE difference. I don't know what is on your yuck plate today.... but you do. Just stop with the excuses, and step out.
Heartlight.org's verse of the day is:
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."-- Matthew 5:13
THEIR THOUGHT:
Jesus wanted us to never give up our moral distinctiveness, our redemptive influence, nor our loving impact on those around us. The purpose of our presence in the world is to be an influence in our culture against further decay and to season the bitter, dog-eat-dog world with grace and mercy.
MY THOUGHTS:
Whew!! I KNOW someone who REALLY does this well! She is living in an area of town that will declare her either prisoner, or missionary in her neighborhood. She is choosing missionary.
There are drug dealers, drug users, child neglecters, I just can't paint the picture well enough for you to GET IT... but there is gun fire in their neighborhood at night sometimes, loud music, and several weeks ago her neighbor across the street was killed. ACROSS THE STREET!
So, what is this family's response? I think that deep down, and maybe not too very deep.. they want to get the heck out of there. But for now, they are being salt.
There is a constant crowd of children in her yard as soon as the weather warms up in the spring, and throughout the summer, as she referees, she feeds them, and does all she can to serve, accept, love and listen to them while maintaining the "rules of the yard". She would love to have a quiet place for her kids to play, but for now, she's being light.
She has brought bagels, and countless other gifts of kindness to her 95 year old neighbor, and holds her dear enough to have her kids refer to her in a grandmotherly way. She has given rides to people, and provided on so many occasions, I just will never how many, she has delivered basic stuff to her neighbors who just couldn't afford at the time.
Oh, her husband is not without praise here too. He has a heart of gold as well, and felt LED to bring bottled water and fruit to the abandoned factory behind their house last week. I believe their target was the homeless who would visit the old building in the next 24 hours. They ran into graffiti artists instead, and God used my friend's friendly... "hey how's it going" demeanor to invite the girl into a small conversation, where she was just able to encounter Jesus love oozing out of every pore of my friend's being.
Lately, they've been called to draw a line in the sand and hold the neighborhood accountable for their many infringements on their peace, as well as the law. With tears welling up in my dear friends eyes, she shared with me and a group my close friends how angry it makes her when she encounters such resistance to God. She is offended in so many ways at the way people behave so badly in her neighborhood, but the thing that really "gets her" is that they are doing it to her Jesus. She has such a heart to see these people redeemed and set free from the chains of their lifestyles that have lasted just generations.
I have never personally encountered such a true true love for people who don't have Jesus.
My personal fleshly desire is to just pray pray pray that God would get them out of this neighborhood NOW! When you love someone, you just want to see them free of the yuck of life, and yet, this yuck is presently where God has her. I am so conflicted in my heart, wanting peace and protection, a fenced in backyard, peaceful nights without being woken up by loud music or knocks on the door from detectives; and yet, I know they are not only OK... but kept as safe if not safer than I probably am in my cozy little suburbian neighborhood. God is watching over them, and longs to continue to move through them to spread the light of His awesome love in a very very dark place.
They are missionaries.
Now, here is my question for myself, and for you. What yuck are you serving in today? Has God called you to live less than comfortable in some way, and even though you KNOW it won't last forever, it CAN'T last forever..... is there a way you can be salty right where you are? Believe in the power of the little things your heart is led to do. Don't let your heart be lied to that the words that you need to speak to a friend, the thanks you can offer the salesperson who is faithfully serving you in some way today, the line you can draw with a person who needs to see the love in your boundaries, the offering of kindness to your spouse who isn't doing the same at the moment, don't make a HUGE difference. I don't know what is on your yuck plate today.... but you do. Just stop with the excuses, and step out.
Steady me Lord!
June 2, 2005
Gooey people. We all have to deal with them. How do we deal with them?
They infiltrate our lives like the grass in my grape hyacinth. If I try to pull it out, I’m pulling out little bulbs with it. Even if I think I get it all, it always creeps back in there, and I’m right back where I started. I have a feeling God has something to do with the placement of hard to handle people in our lives. (I know... she's smart too!)
It is a topic that I don’t like to visit. I don’t like to look at sin in other people’s lives because I know I have so much in my own life to deal with… so I just don’t go there. Not even in prayer though. That’s a problem.
On Sunday at church, there was a life changing moment for me.
CONVICTION
I can hear those of you who know me, laughing already.
I haven’t felt true grief over my sin in such a long time, actually, I only remember one other time where I really grieved over how I messed up my relationship with God, over sin. Most of the rest of the time, I confess without much grief. I am mostly upset at what my sin has cost me, not the damage it does my relationship with God.
So… the scene that was played to illustrate our pastor’s point… was one from Schindler’s List. (of course, I’m not sure what he said after that, because I was so completely overwhelmed by conviction from that point on…) Anyways, the scene was the one where the little girl is wandering the streets as Jews are being shot up all around her, and music is playing in the background while you’re watching all of this, and Schindler and the woman are on two horses. This was the deciding moment for him. Was he going to do anything, or was he going to let it be “their issue”? Was he going to get messily involved, or ride away?
Oh, my heart just breaks over my numbness to the way things are going in my life. I am so brutally numb to the patterns I see in my family, and have been of the mindset that it’s not my issue. I know it’s no comparison to the holocaust, but I guess that large scale correlation is what it took for me to open my eyes up.
God urged me to begin by praying and being angry over the sin of complacency and apathy that is in my life and against the sin of rebellion in my family's life. I'm in there too! I have to start caring though. I can’t just walk on, keep believing, keep praying that things will get better…. I have to start looking to the future and seeing the legacy that is being handed to my children. I don't want to make the Hezekiah mistake and just be content with the status quo in my life, if it means my children will be paying the price for my selfishness.
Up until this point I have been completely unwilling to allow God to reign in this area. If truth is going to cause explosion, or unfamiliar road for myself, or the possibility of more friction, I have not been willing to speak it. If and when God has asked me to speak out, He usually needs to use a neon billboard to get my attention. I haven’t been willing to even pray about this, but I feel Him asking me to surrender this land that I don’t even know. It’s like I've bought a plot out in some remote area that I haven't even walked on or seen. I don’t know that I want to be building a condo on it or anything, … but here I am, and God is asking me to give Him ownership of it, no matter what is lurking there.
I know I am not the only one to walk this road.
I am so scared though. I don’t want to act out of my flesh, because HELLO… I am a sinner. I mess up. I don’t know how to do this one right. I want more than anything to walk right. I want to walk blameless. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't have that as my defense. OH YUCK!!! All that is.... is sin, packaged up with a nice bow, but rotting inside, full of my filthy righteous rags. Standing still, and not moving forward, is separating me from realizing the power of God though, it IS blocking our intimacy. I just hunger for more of Him; He is drawing me into “big girl” obedience.
Here’s truth
Jude 17-25
But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And on some have compassion, making a distinction; but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling. And to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
He says He can keep me from stumbling. Oh, God, where is my faith? I know we aren’t playing little Jesus games here. This is big time. You’ve asked me for the doozie in the trust department. I can trust you with a lot of things, but this one is not going easily.
It’s back to Saul again. Will I trust you to come to my aid when I am in a pit and there are millions of Philistines waiting to take me out? Will I wait the last few hours for “Samuel” to show up and not act out of my own fear and flesh? Will I walk this out in faith, in the Holy Spirit? Will I place myself in the stream of the love of God, so that the force of His current will take me where He wants me to go? Am I interested in looking for His mercy, not only for myself but for those who hurt me? Will I learn to hate sin like He does?
The song that comes to my heart right now is the one that goes…
Where the Spirit of the Lord is…
There is freedom.
Lift your eyes to heaven,
There is freedom….
Jesus reigns in this place,
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every place.
There is freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.
Thank you Jesus,
You are bringing me into new free territory. Thank you that you have already plotted out my pathway before me. I only need to walk in Your steps. Thank you that You lead me beside the still waters, You restore my soul. My hope is in You. You are with me, in the valley and on the mountain top. You know my standing and sitting, when I go out and when I am coming home. In my dark places, You are there. You are familiar with “my ways”, and know how I operate, and that doesn’t stop you from working with this lump of clay. Lord thank you that I can trust You, You set all that was safe and all that was “You” aside, to save me. We are all nothing without You. We are all stinky and corrupt without Your touch. Thank you for putting Your will into the Father’s hands when You knew it would cost You everything in order to save this girl and a million others like me that are but dust. Thank You for loving us that much.
Gooey people. We all have to deal with them. How do we deal with them?
They infiltrate our lives like the grass in my grape hyacinth. If I try to pull it out, I’m pulling out little bulbs with it. Even if I think I get it all, it always creeps back in there, and I’m right back where I started. I have a feeling God has something to do with the placement of hard to handle people in our lives. (I know... she's smart too!)
It is a topic that I don’t like to visit. I don’t like to look at sin in other people’s lives because I know I have so much in my own life to deal with… so I just don’t go there. Not even in prayer though. That’s a problem.
On Sunday at church, there was a life changing moment for me.
CONVICTION
I can hear those of you who know me, laughing already.
I haven’t felt true grief over my sin in such a long time, actually, I only remember one other time where I really grieved over how I messed up my relationship with God, over sin. Most of the rest of the time, I confess without much grief. I am mostly upset at what my sin has cost me, not the damage it does my relationship with God.
So… the scene that was played to illustrate our pastor’s point… was one from Schindler’s List. (of course, I’m not sure what he said after that, because I was so completely overwhelmed by conviction from that point on…) Anyways, the scene was the one where the little girl is wandering the streets as Jews are being shot up all around her, and music is playing in the background while you’re watching all of this, and Schindler and the woman are on two horses. This was the deciding moment for him. Was he going to do anything, or was he going to let it be “their issue”? Was he going to get messily involved, or ride away?
Oh, my heart just breaks over my numbness to the way things are going in my life. I am so brutally numb to the patterns I see in my family, and have been of the mindset that it’s not my issue. I know it’s no comparison to the holocaust, but I guess that large scale correlation is what it took for me to open my eyes up.
God urged me to begin by praying and being angry over the sin of complacency and apathy that is in my life and against the sin of rebellion in my family's life. I'm in there too! I have to start caring though. I can’t just walk on, keep believing, keep praying that things will get better…. I have to start looking to the future and seeing the legacy that is being handed to my children. I don't want to make the Hezekiah mistake and just be content with the status quo in my life, if it means my children will be paying the price for my selfishness.
Up until this point I have been completely unwilling to allow God to reign in this area. If truth is going to cause explosion, or unfamiliar road for myself, or the possibility of more friction, I have not been willing to speak it. If and when God has asked me to speak out, He usually needs to use a neon billboard to get my attention. I haven’t been willing to even pray about this, but I feel Him asking me to surrender this land that I don’t even know. It’s like I've bought a plot out in some remote area that I haven't even walked on or seen. I don’t know that I want to be building a condo on it or anything, … but here I am, and God is asking me to give Him ownership of it, no matter what is lurking there.
I know I am not the only one to walk this road.
I am so scared though. I don’t want to act out of my flesh, because HELLO… I am a sinner. I mess up. I don’t know how to do this one right. I want more than anything to walk right. I want to walk blameless. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't have that as my defense. OH YUCK!!! All that is.... is sin, packaged up with a nice bow, but rotting inside, full of my filthy righteous rags. Standing still, and not moving forward, is separating me from realizing the power of God though, it IS blocking our intimacy. I just hunger for more of Him; He is drawing me into “big girl” obedience.
Here’s truth
Jude 17-25
But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And on some have compassion, making a distinction; but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling. And to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
He says He can keep me from stumbling. Oh, God, where is my faith? I know we aren’t playing little Jesus games here. This is big time. You’ve asked me for the doozie in the trust department. I can trust you with a lot of things, but this one is not going easily.
It’s back to Saul again. Will I trust you to come to my aid when I am in a pit and there are millions of Philistines waiting to take me out? Will I wait the last few hours for “Samuel” to show up and not act out of my own fear and flesh? Will I walk this out in faith, in the Holy Spirit? Will I place myself in the stream of the love of God, so that the force of His current will take me where He wants me to go? Am I interested in looking for His mercy, not only for myself but for those who hurt me? Will I learn to hate sin like He does?
The song that comes to my heart right now is the one that goes…
Where the Spirit of the Lord is…
There is freedom.
Lift your eyes to heaven,
There is freedom….
Jesus reigns in this place,
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every place.
There is freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.
Thank you Jesus,
You are bringing me into new free territory. Thank you that you have already plotted out my pathway before me. I only need to walk in Your steps. Thank you that You lead me beside the still waters, You restore my soul. My hope is in You. You are with me, in the valley and on the mountain top. You know my standing and sitting, when I go out and when I am coming home. In my dark places, You are there. You are familiar with “my ways”, and know how I operate, and that doesn’t stop you from working with this lump of clay. Lord thank you that I can trust You, You set all that was safe and all that was “You” aside, to save me. We are all nothing without You. We are all stinky and corrupt without Your touch. Thank you for putting Your will into the Father’s hands when You knew it would cost You everything in order to save this girl and a million others like me that are but dust. Thank You for loving us that much.
Mary
August 25, 2005
I was reading last night, in John 20, and was touched by the whole account of Mary Magdalene right after Jesus had died and was laid in the tomb. I love how she just didn’t know what to do with herself after He was gone… so she had just been hanging out where she knew his body was, where she had last seen Him.
In her grief, and I expect that she wasn’t at all a pretty sight, the “Gardener” comes up to her and asks her why she is weeping, WHOM is she seeking? I love that He addressed her REAL issue, without her realizing it. If she had really listened to Him, and shared from her smattered, aching heart who she really was seeking….. as she waited outside His tomb….., it would have been a tough conversation to have with a stranger.
I don’t know how many of you have lost someone dear. I haven’t really experienced the death of someone I was particularly attached to yet, well, except my cat, and that is almost the silliest comparison to make here… but it’s all I have. After my sweet little cat of 14 years minus a day passed away last year, I just kept expecting to see her for the next several months. It was the strangest thing. I’d be doing my hair in the mornings and I would just turn around and expect to see her sitting there patiently waiting for me to get out the food and greet her sweetness. A couple of times I even would crane my neck around the corner to see if she was down the hall, and as silly as I knew I was acting, I just couldn’t believe that she really wasn’t there.
I imagine it is sooooo very much more intense than that, of course, with people we dearly love. You think you can still call them up, you have a problem arise that you would normally ask their opinion about, and you expect that resource to still be there. You expect them to be sitting in their “usual” place at a family gathering, but they’re just not there. You might even drive by their house, and just be so upset that there is a different car in the drive way, or a for sale sign outside the house that never went unattended.
I think that deep in Mary’s heart, she was still expecting to see Jesus. Not so much in a “full of faith… I’m believing in God’s promises… I’m believing for a miracle” sort of way, but just in that normal human way that really needs some time to accept death as final.
When the “Gardener” asks whom she is seeking, she doesn’t really answer His question… she isn’t exactly about to bear her soul with a complete stranger, even though she obviously needs another human being to lean on at the moment. I love it when He says… “Mary”. And that’s all she needs to know that it was Him.
She had heard it so very many times before, and that wonderful voice, not just speaking, but speaking her name was the most wonderful music to her ears. That voice that she heard over and over in her head as she replayed the events of the last 24 hours as well as the events of the last several years that she had known Him, all the times she hung on His every word…. That voice was speaking out her name once again. It really was Him!
So today I take encouragement to know that HE knows my name…. And I know what He sounds like when speaks to me. There is nothing like being known by Him, and being redeemed by such a love that would lay down His life for His friends. He did it for her, He did it for me, and He did it for you.
If by chance you run into the “Gardner” today, you might want to listen a little longer, and answer His REAL questions He is asking you. You don’t freak Him out, He knows where each one of us is at, and He still approaches us and longs for us to hear Him speaking out our names.
I was reading last night, in John 20, and was touched by the whole account of Mary Magdalene right after Jesus had died and was laid in the tomb. I love how she just didn’t know what to do with herself after He was gone… so she had just been hanging out where she knew his body was, where she had last seen Him.
In her grief, and I expect that she wasn’t at all a pretty sight, the “Gardener” comes up to her and asks her why she is weeping, WHOM is she seeking? I love that He addressed her REAL issue, without her realizing it. If she had really listened to Him, and shared from her smattered, aching heart who she really was seeking….. as she waited outside His tomb….., it would have been a tough conversation to have with a stranger.
I don’t know how many of you have lost someone dear. I haven’t really experienced the death of someone I was particularly attached to yet, well, except my cat, and that is almost the silliest comparison to make here… but it’s all I have. After my sweet little cat of 14 years minus a day passed away last year, I just kept expecting to see her for the next several months. It was the strangest thing. I’d be doing my hair in the mornings and I would just turn around and expect to see her sitting there patiently waiting for me to get out the food and greet her sweetness. A couple of times I even would crane my neck around the corner to see if she was down the hall, and as silly as I knew I was acting, I just couldn’t believe that she really wasn’t there.
I imagine it is sooooo very much more intense than that, of course, with people we dearly love. You think you can still call them up, you have a problem arise that you would normally ask their opinion about, and you expect that resource to still be there. You expect them to be sitting in their “usual” place at a family gathering, but they’re just not there. You might even drive by their house, and just be so upset that there is a different car in the drive way, or a for sale sign outside the house that never went unattended.
I think that deep in Mary’s heart, she was still expecting to see Jesus. Not so much in a “full of faith… I’m believing in God’s promises… I’m believing for a miracle” sort of way, but just in that normal human way that really needs some time to accept death as final.
When the “Gardener” asks whom she is seeking, she doesn’t really answer His question… she isn’t exactly about to bear her soul with a complete stranger, even though she obviously needs another human being to lean on at the moment. I love it when He says… “Mary”. And that’s all she needs to know that it was Him.
She had heard it so very many times before, and that wonderful voice, not just speaking, but speaking her name was the most wonderful music to her ears. That voice that she heard over and over in her head as she replayed the events of the last 24 hours as well as the events of the last several years that she had known Him, all the times she hung on His every word…. That voice was speaking out her name once again. It really was Him!
So today I take encouragement to know that HE knows my name…. And I know what He sounds like when speaks to me. There is nothing like being known by Him, and being redeemed by such a love that would lay down His life for His friends. He did it for her, He did it for me, and He did it for you.
If by chance you run into the “Gardner” today, you might want to listen a little longer, and answer His REAL questions He is asking you. You don’t freak Him out, He knows where each one of us is at, and He still approaches us and longs for us to hear Him speaking out our names.
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