August 26, 2005
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. -- Romans 8:26
How many times am I stopped in my tracks because I think I need to “know how to pray”. I know the burden that I have in my heart for things in my own life as well as in the lives of others, and sometimes I know I need to pray for something… but just don’t know how to begin expressing it.
This isn’t some huge new revelation… just something I think I need to be reminded of… OFTEN. We pray… we don’t have a clue what to even pray for, I mean… really… we don’t. But when we do it ANYWAYS, He mixes our human attempts with His amazing “Godness” and brings it all to the throne room before our Father.
A prayer for a friend for peace while her mother, or child was in the hospital, would now look like peace + whatever the Spirit knew REALLY needed to happen. All those heartbreaking details, the secrets of the heart, the past, the not yet to come, the things that would explode our hearts if we really knew the weight and measure of it all, He’s got our prayers covered, in a way only He can. Oh, and He DOES know the details. Isn’t that comforting to meditate on?
Something else that let me see into His heart even more this morning was God’s reaction to Israel after they had worshipped idols and forsaken Him AGAIN.
At first He told them to go seek their idols for deliverance. OUCH!!!! Well, instead, they cried out to Him again, and asked Him to do whatever seemed best… only please deliver them. I am guessing that prayer was BIG TIME “fixed up” by the groanings of the Spirit! Look at our precious Father's amazing response…
And His soul could no longer endure the misery of Israel. Judges 10:16
Have you had seasons of your life where you live your own way, not really taking things to God, lifting up problems, people, or blessings higher than Him, prioritizing your time in a way that shuts Him out of the equation? Have you gone down a road of complete rebellion at times, knowing full well that what you were doing was completely deliberately against what you knew God was speaking to you? Have you ignored what you knew full well was right and just kept making up whatever excuse… perhaps blaming God for why you are choosing against Him for a season? Do you feel like He is going to turn you away if you try to cry out to Him again??? Well stop listening to THAT lie…OK??? Let’s just stop listening to it.
Not only is the Spirit there to intercede for us as we pray our pathetic prayers for deliverance, or of repentence… don’t they FEEL pathetic??? (I know they aren’t to God… but let’s get real here.) He is there to join with our.. “Oh, God… I am so burdened right now with all my stuff.. I don’t even know how I got here, or where to begin" prayers, and the Spirit takes it to the throne room and then PRAYS for the REAL issues at hand that we didn’t even know exist, or WOULD exist in the future.
He takes it to our Dad who is grieved beyond measure by the pain, suffering, problems, trials and troubles of His kids. His holy, perfect, completely faithful and just soul is pained beyond measure at our misery, no matter how heavy, what the cause, and no matter if we realize how miserable we are… or not…. That amazing heart is drawing me in.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Hit upside the head
August 27, 2005
How many times are we simply walking through our day, and we are knocked upside the head by something totally unforeseen that just knocks the wind out of us… and we just have NO idea where it came from.
Have you been hit upside the head lately? Have you run to the well of peace that will take care of all the heart and mind fall out that results from this experience??? ME NEITHER!!! Or… have you taken it all to him a few times, or a few hundred times, but are losing heart as things just don’t seem to get much better???
I think that these occurrences are perfectly normal, but our tendency is to try to wrap our brains around them and figure out WHY!!! If we can figure out why… then maybe they can be avoided the next time.
What if the point wasn’t to spend all our energies avoiding the unforeseen???? How much time do I spend trying to guard against those things that I CAN’T control??? It’s like that little Al-Anon prayer that we’ve probably all heard.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(I know I’m probably not quoting that correctly… but it goes SOMETHING like that.)
What CAN we change???? What do we need to fight tooth and nail for or against, invest in, withdraw from, and change our perspective about?
What is out of our control that we need to grieve the loss of, not take the responsibility for, accept and take one day at a time???
I think that there are too many people who do one or the other… and very few who know the healthy balance away from both extremes. Either we take EVERYTHING on, it’s ALL our fault… we’re in charge, and we call ALL the shots. OR… We give up total control of our lives to “chance” we don’t look towards the future, we don’t plan, we give up easily, we feel helpless, afraid, and we let everyone else take the blame for everything that is going wrong in our lives.
If you’re like me… you might even go back and forth between the two… but not in a very HEALTHY way.
What do I do when I’m hit upside the head financially, by that WACKY phone call from my MOM that propels me 15 years back into the past in only a 10 minute conversation? What do I do if my friend’s mom is in a sudden car accident and they don’t know if she’ll make it or someone’s dear relative passes away suddenly? What about my friend’s husband who has done EVERYTHING humanly possible to land himself a job this fall… and has prayed his GUTS out for a job… and NO JOB??? What about a friend's child that is going through chemotherapy, or some other horrific health issue that doesn't seem to be getting better at the moment? The list could just go on and on.... What do I do when I feel like there is NOTHING I CAN do to help the people I love, to change my own life, or I am completely caught up in trying to change EVERYTHING on my own??? Here is a little truth!
Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for You. 1 Peter 5:7
Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds. Phil 4:6-7
If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
He can handle us, and LONGS to handle our stuff. God knew about the car accident before it happened, he knew what would be said on the phone with my mom, He knows everything that is about to happen NEXT week, as well as every single thing that has happened to us, and our friends/relatives since the day they were conceived AND BEFORE! Not only does He KNOW…… HE CARES.
So… what am I flippin’ out about that is COMPLETELY out of my control right now??? What IS in my control??? As much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, I don’t know ALL the details, like HE does. I don’t know myself the way HE does. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him.
Once again… bear with me, I know I’m butchering this… but this little hymn just came to mind, and it is giving me chills. Let the words, familiar as they are… sink into your heart.
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief’s to bear,
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh, the peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
How many times are we simply walking through our day, and we are knocked upside the head by something totally unforeseen that just knocks the wind out of us… and we just have NO idea where it came from.
Have you been hit upside the head lately? Have you run to the well of peace that will take care of all the heart and mind fall out that results from this experience??? ME NEITHER!!! Or… have you taken it all to him a few times, or a few hundred times, but are losing heart as things just don’t seem to get much better???
I think that these occurrences are perfectly normal, but our tendency is to try to wrap our brains around them and figure out WHY!!! If we can figure out why… then maybe they can be avoided the next time.
What if the point wasn’t to spend all our energies avoiding the unforeseen???? How much time do I spend trying to guard against those things that I CAN’T control??? It’s like that little Al-Anon prayer that we’ve probably all heard.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(I know I’m probably not quoting that correctly… but it goes SOMETHING like that.)
What CAN we change???? What do we need to fight tooth and nail for or against, invest in, withdraw from, and change our perspective about?
What is out of our control that we need to grieve the loss of, not take the responsibility for, accept and take one day at a time???
I think that there are too many people who do one or the other… and very few who know the healthy balance away from both extremes. Either we take EVERYTHING on, it’s ALL our fault… we’re in charge, and we call ALL the shots. OR… We give up total control of our lives to “chance” we don’t look towards the future, we don’t plan, we give up easily, we feel helpless, afraid, and we let everyone else take the blame for everything that is going wrong in our lives.
If you’re like me… you might even go back and forth between the two… but not in a very HEALTHY way.
What do I do when I’m hit upside the head financially, by that WACKY phone call from my MOM that propels me 15 years back into the past in only a 10 minute conversation? What do I do if my friend’s mom is in a sudden car accident and they don’t know if she’ll make it or someone’s dear relative passes away suddenly? What about my friend’s husband who has done EVERYTHING humanly possible to land himself a job this fall… and has prayed his GUTS out for a job… and NO JOB??? What about a friend's child that is going through chemotherapy, or some other horrific health issue that doesn't seem to be getting better at the moment? The list could just go on and on.... What do I do when I feel like there is NOTHING I CAN do to help the people I love, to change my own life, or I am completely caught up in trying to change EVERYTHING on my own??? Here is a little truth!
Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for You. 1 Peter 5:7
Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds. Phil 4:6-7
If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
He can handle us, and LONGS to handle our stuff. God knew about the car accident before it happened, he knew what would be said on the phone with my mom, He knows everything that is about to happen NEXT week, as well as every single thing that has happened to us, and our friends/relatives since the day they were conceived AND BEFORE! Not only does He KNOW…… HE CARES.
So… what am I flippin’ out about that is COMPLETELY out of my control right now??? What IS in my control??? As much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, I don’t know ALL the details, like HE does. I don’t know myself the way HE does. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him.
Once again… bear with me, I know I’m butchering this… but this little hymn just came to mind, and it is giving me chills. Let the words, familiar as they are… sink into your heart.
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief’s to bear,
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh, the peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
Raindrops on Roses
August 30, 2005
I think it is important to make lists once in a while. For me, it helps me to make sense of all the madness that is going on in my head. When I write things down, I can see the importance of things, the insanity or deception, and what exactly I believe or hold dear. It’s a good way to see what I am overly focusing on, that I need to let up on a bit, as well, as the things that motivate me, the things I shouldn’t give up on, ways I’m growing, and things that are the essence of “why I am here.”
Last night I made a list of all the things I could think of that I currently hold dear. I am sure there are things I’ll want to add and possibly even delete as I grow and change. This list includes many of the things that jazz me, or that I desperately seek. They are things that I desire, need, want, enjoy, relish, or that I am simply thankful for. You can figure out which is which! They are in complete random order, except for my pitiful efforts to try to categorize them a bit.
I know there will be some glaring things missing from the list due to my own scatterbrained nature or just because… I’m being really honest. It’ll just give those of you who know me a chance to exercise #’s 6 & 7 on the “personal security” list. =)
Oh, it really didn’t take that long at all to come up with the list, about 20 minutes to jot down what came to mind. I feel quite purged in a sense after doing it. (There’s another one to add to the list). If anyone would enjoy listing a few of their favorite things in the comment section…. =) that would be my #2 on the “personal security” list. No pressure!
Comfort
1. Time to think
2. Time alone
3. Time period
4. Silence
5. Adequate sleep
6. Sanctity of my bed
7. Sanctity of my shower
8. A good solid, it’s sooo good to see you, hug
9. A word spoken in due season
10. Coffee
11. Chocolate
12. Listening ears
13. Commiserating friends
14. Peace that passes understanding
15. Panera’s French toast bagels
16. The sound of birds chirping outside before anyone else is up making noise
17. Kindness
Personal Security
1. Belonging
2. Connecting
3. Competency
4. Feeling understood
5. Feeling needed (funny that I don’t really need to BE understood or needed … I just want to feel like I am!)
6. Having friends who can lovingly confront me
7. Having friends who pray for me
8. People who are patient with me
9. Being looked out for
10. Loyalty
11. Being comfortable with brutally honest, super safe people, who won’t kick me to the curb when they see the pieces of me I hide, or think I am hiding.
Friendship
1. Close friendships
2. Super close friendships
3. Friends being honest with me
4. Security and comfort with friends… (See above lists)
5. Coffee dates with girlfriends
6. Walk out my faith with others
7. Being honest with friends
Growing relationship with God
1. Intimacy with Jesus
2. Understanding my identity as God’s daughter better
3. Knowing God for who He really is
4. Seeing God do radical stuff
5. Hearing God’s voice
6. Becoming a better repenter without freezing up under condemnation before I even get to the throne room
7. Seeing God’s glory
Personal growth
1. Being an encouragement
2. Speaking truth
3. Being used by God
4. Becoming a woman of faith
5. Becoming a faithful person
6. Connecting with my kids
7. Memorizing scripture that I use on a daily basis in my walk that I always have to look up again and again… that I should know by now!
8. I’d like to become better at balancing my home with the other things I love. Honestly put….spending as little time as possible to get my home in order so that I have extra time left over to guiltlessly spend writing, and with people I enjoy.
9. I’d like to be a better light for Jesus at work, at the kids’ schools, at the library, in girl & boy scouts and at the grocery store, to name a few. I want to become an authentic Christian, one who draws people into wanting to know Jesus.
10. I want to be a better planner
11. I want to really know and understand the Bible better
Maybe join one of the “through the Bible in 7 years” Bible studies I have heard about-once the kids are all in school all day.
12. Writing daily
13. Being encouraged
Family growth
1. Growing closer as a family
2. Becoming a giving, loving family
3. Living within our means
4. Domestic tranquility =) (school house rock song coming to mind???)
Physical Security
1. My kids’ safety and health be it mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, both at school, and wherever, for today, tomorrow and forever.
2. The safety and health of others
3. My safety and health-it is soooo hard to be “taken out” temporarily by health issues or injury… especially as a mom.
People in general
1. Seeing and hearing people laugh
2. Anyone who is excited about God
3. People who lean into Jesus when life doesn’t make sense
4. Women discovering the jazz of reading the Bible
5. People who own their issues, and are humble enough to ask for help or forgiveness and who seek God’s grace and truth
6. The fragility of humans (seems to contradict #5… but I still savor it)
Not sure where to put these…. still important though
1. Sanctity of life
2. Someday writing a book … something along the lines of… how to survive when the things on this list don’t work out the way you want them to. (Just kidding… about the title)
3. Mountains
4. Creativity
5. Freedom
6. My kids growing up and remembering all that they have been taught that is useful, loving, wise, and God centered.
7. My kids learning from the mistakes of all they have been taught due to human weakness.
8. Purging
9. Getting a cabin at Lake Hope for a few days
10. Being lazy at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage on the lake
11. Walks in the woods
Short term home improvement goals, over the next couple of years
Kitchen-redone, café colors (brickish/copper/cream/browns)
Downstairs bathroom-floor tiled, periwinkle paint, white accents/fresh clean look
Basement- GET RID OF GREEN HIDEOUS CARPET that’ll be the first step... and it’ll take a while to see this one happen.
Laundry room- I want a laundry HAVEN, not big $, no new appliances, just pretty, uplifting, and a place I don’t want to leave. =)
Get rid of the crappy orange couch that has the green slipcover on it. It grieves me!
I think it is important to make lists once in a while. For me, it helps me to make sense of all the madness that is going on in my head. When I write things down, I can see the importance of things, the insanity or deception, and what exactly I believe or hold dear. It’s a good way to see what I am overly focusing on, that I need to let up on a bit, as well, as the things that motivate me, the things I shouldn’t give up on, ways I’m growing, and things that are the essence of “why I am here.”
Last night I made a list of all the things I could think of that I currently hold dear. I am sure there are things I’ll want to add and possibly even delete as I grow and change. This list includes many of the things that jazz me, or that I desperately seek. They are things that I desire, need, want, enjoy, relish, or that I am simply thankful for. You can figure out which is which! They are in complete random order, except for my pitiful efforts to try to categorize them a bit.
I know there will be some glaring things missing from the list due to my own scatterbrained nature or just because… I’m being really honest. It’ll just give those of you who know me a chance to exercise #’s 6 & 7 on the “personal security” list. =)
Oh, it really didn’t take that long at all to come up with the list, about 20 minutes to jot down what came to mind. I feel quite purged in a sense after doing it. (There’s another one to add to the list). If anyone would enjoy listing a few of their favorite things in the comment section…. =) that would be my #2 on the “personal security” list. No pressure!
Comfort
1. Time to think
2. Time alone
3. Time period
4. Silence
5. Adequate sleep
6. Sanctity of my bed
7. Sanctity of my shower
8. A good solid, it’s sooo good to see you, hug
9. A word spoken in due season
10. Coffee
11. Chocolate
12. Listening ears
13. Commiserating friends
14. Peace that passes understanding
15. Panera’s French toast bagels
16. The sound of birds chirping outside before anyone else is up making noise
17. Kindness
Personal Security
1. Belonging
2. Connecting
3. Competency
4. Feeling understood
5. Feeling needed (funny that I don’t really need to BE understood or needed … I just want to feel like I am!)
6. Having friends who can lovingly confront me
7. Having friends who pray for me
8. People who are patient with me
9. Being looked out for
10. Loyalty
11. Being comfortable with brutally honest, super safe people, who won’t kick me to the curb when they see the pieces of me I hide, or think I am hiding.
Friendship
1. Close friendships
2. Super close friendships
3. Friends being honest with me
4. Security and comfort with friends… (See above lists)
5. Coffee dates with girlfriends
6. Walk out my faith with others
7. Being honest with friends
Growing relationship with God
1. Intimacy with Jesus
2. Understanding my identity as God’s daughter better
3. Knowing God for who He really is
4. Seeing God do radical stuff
5. Hearing God’s voice
6. Becoming a better repenter without freezing up under condemnation before I even get to the throne room
7. Seeing God’s glory
Personal growth
1. Being an encouragement
2. Speaking truth
3. Being used by God
4. Becoming a woman of faith
5. Becoming a faithful person
6. Connecting with my kids
7. Memorizing scripture that I use on a daily basis in my walk that I always have to look up again and again… that I should know by now!
8. I’d like to become better at balancing my home with the other things I love. Honestly put….spending as little time as possible to get my home in order so that I have extra time left over to guiltlessly spend writing, and with people I enjoy.
9. I’d like to be a better light for Jesus at work, at the kids’ schools, at the library, in girl & boy scouts and at the grocery store, to name a few. I want to become an authentic Christian, one who draws people into wanting to know Jesus.
10. I want to be a better planner
11. I want to really know and understand the Bible better
Maybe join one of the “through the Bible in 7 years” Bible studies I have heard about-once the kids are all in school all day.
12. Writing daily
13. Being encouraged
Family growth
1. Growing closer as a family
2. Becoming a giving, loving family
3. Living within our means
4. Domestic tranquility =) (school house rock song coming to mind???)
Physical Security
1. My kids’ safety and health be it mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, both at school, and wherever, for today, tomorrow and forever.
2. The safety and health of others
3. My safety and health-it is soooo hard to be “taken out” temporarily by health issues or injury… especially as a mom.
People in general
1. Seeing and hearing people laugh
2. Anyone who is excited about God
3. People who lean into Jesus when life doesn’t make sense
4. Women discovering the jazz of reading the Bible
5. People who own their issues, and are humble enough to ask for help or forgiveness and who seek God’s grace and truth
6. The fragility of humans (seems to contradict #5… but I still savor it)
Not sure where to put these…. still important though
1. Sanctity of life
2. Someday writing a book … something along the lines of… how to survive when the things on this list don’t work out the way you want them to. (Just kidding… about the title)
3. Mountains
4. Creativity
5. Freedom
6. My kids growing up and remembering all that they have been taught that is useful, loving, wise, and God centered.
7. My kids learning from the mistakes of all they have been taught due to human weakness.
8. Purging
9. Getting a cabin at Lake Hope for a few days
10. Being lazy at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage on the lake
11. Walks in the woods
Short term home improvement goals, over the next couple of years
Kitchen-redone, café colors (brickish/copper/cream/browns)
Downstairs bathroom-floor tiled, periwinkle paint, white accents/fresh clean look
Basement- GET RID OF GREEN HIDEOUS CARPET that’ll be the first step... and it’ll take a while to see this one happen.
Laundry room- I want a laundry HAVEN, not big $, no new appliances, just pretty, uplifting, and a place I don’t want to leave. =)
Get rid of the crappy orange couch that has the green slipcover on it. It grieves me!
Scared to hope
On hoping….. April, 22, 2005
It sounds crazy. Why am I hoping? I am hoping because He asked me to. Once again, here I sit, knowing that obeying You is the only way to life. Hope is risky, embarrassing, like the one hoping is to be mocked for her stupidity to think that anything in her heart could or should come true. What if I hope for something wrong? I guess you’ve got that covered too.
Romans 8:24-28
For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
My hoping isn’t wicked or stupid. God isn’t upset that I am hoping for something ridiculous. He isn’t chuckling to Himself over my ignorance. I don’t think He would have taken the time to become a man if He didn’t care about the little things that make me tick, that make me human. His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care, or isn’t interested. Silent people don’t always intend disinterest. Why is that my perception? Once again, it’s about trusting, letting go of the reigns of my heart as I allow Him the ability to crush me. I think another brick of my wall might have just fallen. God… I want to give you my desires, I want to verbalize them to You, and then let You “not” speak to me regarding them for as long as You see fit. I don’t want to draw any conclusions in the weeks/months/years I am waiting for you to answer or move. If I could only just do that, I think I would actually hope for a heck of a lot more.
The other thing that is so reassuring about these verses is that as I wait for what I don’t see, the very things that I wait for may not even be right for me. You don’t say… “Hey, get it right girl, stop expecting life to be so perfect all the time, just suck it up and go with the flow.” God I think You are asking me to, in prayer, NOT go with the flow. Put my heart out on the line, and expect You to do stuff that is crazy awesome and crazy good. Your love, Holy Spirit, extends so far as to pray your guts out, to sift through my prayers and hopes and line them up with what God’s perfect will is for my life. What more could I ask for? You want me to lay out all my imperfect requests, and unlike the guy I though You were, who would be all over me for being selfish, You are there to help me get my prayers answered in a way that is going to be for my ultimate good. The question is… do I trust You? Seeing that kind of love for me makes it about impossible not to. I imagine it’s like a dad running beside his girl as she rides her bike without training wheels for the first time.
It sounds crazy. Why am I hoping? I am hoping because He asked me to. Once again, here I sit, knowing that obeying You is the only way to life. Hope is risky, embarrassing, like the one hoping is to be mocked for her stupidity to think that anything in her heart could or should come true. What if I hope for something wrong? I guess you’ve got that covered too.
Romans 8:24-28
For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
My hoping isn’t wicked or stupid. God isn’t upset that I am hoping for something ridiculous. He isn’t chuckling to Himself over my ignorance. I don’t think He would have taken the time to become a man if He didn’t care about the little things that make me tick, that make me human. His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care, or isn’t interested. Silent people don’t always intend disinterest. Why is that my perception? Once again, it’s about trusting, letting go of the reigns of my heart as I allow Him the ability to crush me. I think another brick of my wall might have just fallen. God… I want to give you my desires, I want to verbalize them to You, and then let You “not” speak to me regarding them for as long as You see fit. I don’t want to draw any conclusions in the weeks/months/years I am waiting for you to answer or move. If I could only just do that, I think I would actually hope for a heck of a lot more.
The other thing that is so reassuring about these verses is that as I wait for what I don’t see, the very things that I wait for may not even be right for me. You don’t say… “Hey, get it right girl, stop expecting life to be so perfect all the time, just suck it up and go with the flow.” God I think You are asking me to, in prayer, NOT go with the flow. Put my heart out on the line, and expect You to do stuff that is crazy awesome and crazy good. Your love, Holy Spirit, extends so far as to pray your guts out, to sift through my prayers and hopes and line them up with what God’s perfect will is for my life. What more could I ask for? You want me to lay out all my imperfect requests, and unlike the guy I though You were, who would be all over me for being selfish, You are there to help me get my prayers answered in a way that is going to be for my ultimate good. The question is… do I trust You? Seeing that kind of love for me makes it about impossible not to. I imagine it’s like a dad running beside his girl as she rides her bike without training wheels for the first time.
Hope list from April 2005
What do I want to see You do? April 22, 2005
God…
*I want to see You change my mind about things that I can’t change my mind about on my own.
*I want to grow in the fruits of the Spirit
*I want to walk by faith and not by sight
*I want to be a real human and not idolize my insignificance.
*I want to see You move in my dearly loved ones lives. I want to see You pour out Your healing, wholeness, love, grace, peace and abundant life. I know that You are the Only source of that good. I know it is You IN me that desires this so much and it is about all I can handle sometimes. This must be one of your “handcrafted” empty places. Thank You for putting it there so I will seek You.
*I want You to use me to spread the truth about You, I want to look like You because I’ve been with You.
*I want the gospel to be attractive in me
*I want to hear Your voice better and obey more in faith believing that You are going to do something.
*I want to balance my time here as a mom/wife/friend/daughter/writer/truth speaker/encourager/God lover better.
*I want you to bust through my defenses and get up close and personal with me.
*I want You to affirm Your love to me.
*I want You to take my husband to his next “God level".
*I want my boys to find You at an early age, learn to trust You, and believe the truth in Your word. I want them to know who You really are, instead of hanging onto a graven image of who they think You are. I want them to find power to overcome their weaknesses and strength to obey Your voice and whatever You call them to do. I want them to know You as their awesome unfailing dad. I want You to remove the things that block them from receiving You, remove the obstacles. God keep me faithful to pray for them without ceasing.
* I want my girl to use the faith that you have given to her at such a young age and see You move in her life as a little girl. I want her to have a childhood legacy of God movement. I want You to be BIG to her, and meet all of her needs. I want her to remember the times You have specifically answered her prayers. I want her to sense Your protection and gifts to her. God, encourage her and develop her in a way that will make her into a huge threat to the kingdom of darkness and that will bring You so much glory in her lifetime.
* Help me to break down the barriers that I have to excellent friendship. Help me to trust You with me as I open up to people around me.
* Help me to discover the awesome gift of repentance. Help it to be a regular part of my life. Help me to regularly shed the yuck off of me so that I can walk unhindered.
* Just let me be an instrument of Your peace where it wouldn’t normally exist.
Farewell to Thatcher's AKA Scottie MacBeans/Clintonville
Thursday, 30 November 2006
Thatcher's, formerly known as Scottie MacBeans on High Street in Clintonville is only one month away from being a very fond memory. I wish there was something I could do to get out the defibrillator paddles and make the straight line go away. Denial isn't going to work...I don't have the energy for the mental charade....I'm going straight towards sad acceptance.
WHY??? Why is such a dreamy coffee shop closing? Well, there are many "makes sense" reasons, which I see myself nodding to when they are explained to me... but in my heart, I want to KICK my "makes sense self" to the curb screaming and wailing... Noooooooooo!!!!!
Dead or not.. I'm still praying for a miracle until they kick my butt out of there, pack up the roaster, the coffee can paraphernalia, the pictures, the album cover wall entertainment, the "gobble you up couches", and the big clock on the wall that always eventually points to 11:15 every time I go in there, signaling that I must stop talking, listening, dreaming and refilling and head towards the door.
Packing up the "out from behind the counter" employees is something I'm afraid they won't be able to do. They'll still be wonderful... just someplace else. Hope they leave some clues when it's all over, so we can go buy their car insurance, pick up a copy of their bestseller, or ride to Spain on the airline they buy. I know they all will find their places in the world after the coffee bean dust settles; I'm just not sure we'll find another wardrobe to wander into any time soon. Coffee Narnia is about to dump the wardrobe and even if it's really balsa wood under the fine finish, I liked my ignorance while it lasted.
So, why not just find another coffee shop??? I'll tell you....
When you walk in the door, the aroma is amazing. The brightness is kept to a minimum for us light sensitive pre-caffeinated people, and it just is very welcoming. Whether you hang out in the main dining hall or duck into the cozy lounge, there's a lazy, thoughtful atmosphere, one that begs creativity and thought collaboration. You are treated like you're important, and everyone is relaxed and honest. It's just like being in another world.
So, along with being incredibly inviting, with or without the coffee, anyone who knows me for even 5 minutes, knows how much I LOVE COFFEE. I walk with it, ride with it, carry it, spill it, buy it and I use it to get people together to socialize.
Do I like Thatcher's because I'm I picky about my coffee??? Well, I'm only picky if there is a choice between good coffee and amazing coffee, and Thatcher's is definitely amazing coffee. Now, if it's between crappy coffee WITH LOTS OF CREAMER, or NO coffee... I pick crappy coffee. Crappy coffee with NO creamer??? I don't think so... I'd rather be tired and crabby. I like yummy coffee drip brewed at home, BUT, I'd rather have yummy coffee where I can socialize. I'm more about relationships, the caffeine is secondary, a VERY close second I might add. Since I'm too cheap to buy yummy coffee for home all the time, I usually get... (oh and listen to how warped this is...)....KROGER brand Breakfast blend... BUT rather than leaving it in the tin can, I pour it into an old plastic Folgers's coffee can. Don't ask me why. I just hate the metal I guess. I know... I'm a wacko. Kroger works. It's pretty utilitarian though.
Since I'd rather socialize while I'm coffe-ing up, I like to do a coffee shop coffee a couple of times a week. I don't get the coffee drinks except once in a GREAT while...so I usually just get whatever's the flavor of the day.
I loathe bitter coffee no matter where it is. Starbucks is too cardboard containerish for me and Caribou is too rough and rugged. Panera has good generic coffee. It's dependable. It's just nothing special. Brewsters is pretty good, just too far away, so I guess that leaves Cup O Joe, which I like... it's just too cramped in their dining area. So, as you can see, finding "just another cup of coffee" is a little more complicated than it might seem.
My favorite Thatcher's flavor is Highlander Grogg. It has a wonderful butterscotch flavor that's not too sweet, and it is smooth as anything. My second favorite flavor is The Nutty Scottsman. I love getting the Nutty Scottsman when I'm having a "day". He makes me smile. He doesn't care if I'm in a bad mood. =)
An interesting fact that I learned at Thatcher's is that coffee is DEAD after one month post roasting. Coffee in a can is DEAD. This means that for one month after Thatcher's closes, I will still be able to drink hoards of purchased LIVE coffee, but come my favorite holiday, Groundhog's day, I'll be drinking the dead stuff again. Unless I miraculously find another freshly ground coffee shop. I shudder to even think about such infidelity.
So I lift my cup to my beloved friends who drink coffee with me at Thatcher's. Thank you for the real conversations, thank you J for hanging out in the lounge with me, and hashing out life with me. I know, we'll find another place....we will.
And here's to Mr. Thatcher and all his employees. Thank you for treading water all these months, for being genuine, for working so bloody hard, and for knowing us. We'll miss you.
Thatcher's, formerly known as Scottie MacBeans on High Street in Clintonville is only one month away from being a very fond memory. I wish there was something I could do to get out the defibrillator paddles and make the straight line go away. Denial isn't going to work...I don't have the energy for the mental charade....I'm going straight towards sad acceptance.
WHY??? Why is such a dreamy coffee shop closing? Well, there are many "makes sense" reasons, which I see myself nodding to when they are explained to me... but in my heart, I want to KICK my "makes sense self" to the curb screaming and wailing... Noooooooooo!!!!!
Dead or not.. I'm still praying for a miracle until they kick my butt out of there, pack up the roaster, the coffee can paraphernalia, the pictures, the album cover wall entertainment, the "gobble you up couches", and the big clock on the wall that always eventually points to 11:15 every time I go in there, signaling that I must stop talking, listening, dreaming and refilling and head towards the door.
Packing up the "out from behind the counter" employees is something I'm afraid they won't be able to do. They'll still be wonderful... just someplace else. Hope they leave some clues when it's all over, so we can go buy their car insurance, pick up a copy of their bestseller, or ride to Spain on the airline they buy. I know they all will find their places in the world after the coffee bean dust settles; I'm just not sure we'll find another wardrobe to wander into any time soon. Coffee Narnia is about to dump the wardrobe and even if it's really balsa wood under the fine finish, I liked my ignorance while it lasted.
So, why not just find another coffee shop??? I'll tell you....
When you walk in the door, the aroma is amazing. The brightness is kept to a minimum for us light sensitive pre-caffeinated people, and it just is very welcoming. Whether you hang out in the main dining hall or duck into the cozy lounge, there's a lazy, thoughtful atmosphere, one that begs creativity and thought collaboration. You are treated like you're important, and everyone is relaxed and honest. It's just like being in another world.
So, along with being incredibly inviting, with or without the coffee, anyone who knows me for even 5 minutes, knows how much I LOVE COFFEE. I walk with it, ride with it, carry it, spill it, buy it and I use it to get people together to socialize.
Do I like Thatcher's because I'm I picky about my coffee??? Well, I'm only picky if there is a choice between good coffee and amazing coffee, and Thatcher's is definitely amazing coffee. Now, if it's between crappy coffee WITH LOTS OF CREAMER, or NO coffee... I pick crappy coffee. Crappy coffee with NO creamer??? I don't think so... I'd rather be tired and crabby. I like yummy coffee drip brewed at home, BUT, I'd rather have yummy coffee where I can socialize. I'm more about relationships, the caffeine is secondary, a VERY close second I might add. Since I'm too cheap to buy yummy coffee for home all the time, I usually get... (oh and listen to how warped this is...)....KROGER brand Breakfast blend... BUT rather than leaving it in the tin can, I pour it into an old plastic Folgers's coffee can. Don't ask me why. I just hate the metal I guess. I know... I'm a wacko. Kroger works. It's pretty utilitarian though.
Since I'd rather socialize while I'm coffe-ing up, I like to do a coffee shop coffee a couple of times a week. I don't get the coffee drinks except once in a GREAT while...so I usually just get whatever's the flavor of the day.
I loathe bitter coffee no matter where it is. Starbucks is too cardboard containerish for me and Caribou is too rough and rugged. Panera has good generic coffee. It's dependable. It's just nothing special. Brewsters is pretty good, just too far away, so I guess that leaves Cup O Joe, which I like... it's just too cramped in their dining area. So, as you can see, finding "just another cup of coffee" is a little more complicated than it might seem.
My favorite Thatcher's flavor is Highlander Grogg. It has a wonderful butterscotch flavor that's not too sweet, and it is smooth as anything. My second favorite flavor is The Nutty Scottsman. I love getting the Nutty Scottsman when I'm having a "day". He makes me smile. He doesn't care if I'm in a bad mood. =)
An interesting fact that I learned at Thatcher's is that coffee is DEAD after one month post roasting. Coffee in a can is DEAD. This means that for one month after Thatcher's closes, I will still be able to drink hoards of purchased LIVE coffee, but come my favorite holiday, Groundhog's day, I'll be drinking the dead stuff again. Unless I miraculously find another freshly ground coffee shop. I shudder to even think about such infidelity.
So I lift my cup to my beloved friends who drink coffee with me at Thatcher's. Thank you for the real conversations, thank you J for hanging out in the lounge with me, and hashing out life with me. I know, we'll find another place....we will.
And here's to Mr. Thatcher and all his employees. Thank you for treading water all these months, for being genuine, for working so bloody hard, and for knowing us. We'll miss you.
Seeing isn't always believing
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
So it was that while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus HIMSELF drew near and went with them. Luke 24:15
Who knows why they were going to Emmaus…who knows who the other guy with Cleopas was, and WHY we had never heard much about him before this point… but nonetheless, this good sized walk was on their plate for the day, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.
They were grieved beyond belief, but not beyond words, for they just talked and talked about their REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE of watching “The Passion of the Christ”on the full color screen of life. They were processing, as many of us have after watching that unbelievably gripping, life changing movie. Not knowing the end of the story, they were left in a pit, knowing that there was something so very very wrong that had just happened 2 days earlier, it must have felt unbearably helpless as well for them to know they could never ever bring that amazing Man back. I don’t know if they were ripped to shreds at their abandonment of Jesus in his darkest hour, or their wonderment at HOW they could have PREVENTED this from happening; but these men had BEEN with Jesus…had tasted of His presence, his love and power, and were now left with a canyon sized hole in their hearts that needed a good filling.
I am amazed at Jesus’ love for these men, that He would choose to spend some very sweet time with some guys that he had invested in so dearly, but who still DIDN’T GET IT! Still didn’t want to risk. He was willing to walk it out with them, and listened to every bit of misunderstanding they still had. Their problem was they were slow of heart. And I believe Jesus was there to address this very crucial issue. He could have let them see who He was from the very beginning of their journey, but they needed to see Him with their hearts as well as their eyes. And that’s what He was giving them every opportunity to do.
When they got to their destination, which may or may not have been THE destination, as Jesus mentioned He wanted to still walk on farther… they asked HIM to abide with THEM!!! Crazy!!
But that’s just like Jesus…even when it’s supposed to be the other way around, He’s willing to abide with us, break bread with us right where we’re at… in the right town or not, and open our eyes to really see Him. I wonder if it was WHAT He said, when He prayed the blessing over the bread, if the words were a little too familiar, perhaps similar to what they had heard when He blessed the bread and broke it for the 5 thousand, or one of the countless times they had eaten with Him in Mary and Martha’s house. Or could it have been the very fresh scars that peeked through the sleeves of His robe as He tore the bread for them, once again. Who knows what “did it” for them… but they saw Him, KNEW Him, and then He was GONE.. poof… vanished… Now, go share that little tidbit about Him with your kids!! In His absense, they remembered “that feeling” they had while He was speaking with them, and was opening the Scriptures up to them on the way there. Their hearts had burned… but not to the point of truly igniting and catching fire to a fresh wind of belief that would have ROCKED their little walk with Jesus. Nonetheless, something in them had known a few miles back, that this was no ordinary Man.
Jesus,
Thank you for all the times you have walked with me, as I have conversed and reasoned…talking all ABOUT you… but not TO You. Lord, seriously open the eyes of my understanding, I really really want to see You. You’re the only thing that will soothe my soul. You are the only way I want to go. God… intercept my “way” today, and I pray that if you want to still “journey on” I wouldn’t get caught up in my destination, but that You would take me where You’re going. Jesus, I want to have a quick heart to believe. I know that I am in the same boat as these two followers of Yours, only I know the story, I get to ask You for the things that I can see they lacked. If there is only one thing I can have at this moment. I want You. You Yourself… the real Jesus. I want to be where YOU are. God..I’m going to seek You, as this burning in my heart won’t quit. I know it’s part of hoping, part of what this side of heaven is like. Lord our bodies, our hearts, everything that is US, as humans… Jesus, we long for You so. Thank you that you say to us… “Handle Me and see!!! Luke 24:39”… You will be found, touched, and wept over.
So it was that while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus HIMSELF drew near and went with them. Luke 24:15
Who knows why they were going to Emmaus…who knows who the other guy with Cleopas was, and WHY we had never heard much about him before this point… but nonetheless, this good sized walk was on their plate for the day, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.
They were grieved beyond belief, but not beyond words, for they just talked and talked about their REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE of watching “The Passion of the Christ”on the full color screen of life. They were processing, as many of us have after watching that unbelievably gripping, life changing movie. Not knowing the end of the story, they were left in a pit, knowing that there was something so very very wrong that had just happened 2 days earlier, it must have felt unbearably helpless as well for them to know they could never ever bring that amazing Man back. I don’t know if they were ripped to shreds at their abandonment of Jesus in his darkest hour, or their wonderment at HOW they could have PREVENTED this from happening; but these men had BEEN with Jesus…had tasted of His presence, his love and power, and were now left with a canyon sized hole in their hearts that needed a good filling.
I am amazed at Jesus’ love for these men, that He would choose to spend some very sweet time with some guys that he had invested in so dearly, but who still DIDN’T GET IT! Still didn’t want to risk. He was willing to walk it out with them, and listened to every bit of misunderstanding they still had. Their problem was they were slow of heart. And I believe Jesus was there to address this very crucial issue. He could have let them see who He was from the very beginning of their journey, but they needed to see Him with their hearts as well as their eyes. And that’s what He was giving them every opportunity to do.
When they got to their destination, which may or may not have been THE destination, as Jesus mentioned He wanted to still walk on farther… they asked HIM to abide with THEM!!! Crazy!!
But that’s just like Jesus…even when it’s supposed to be the other way around, He’s willing to abide with us, break bread with us right where we’re at… in the right town or not, and open our eyes to really see Him. I wonder if it was WHAT He said, when He prayed the blessing over the bread, if the words were a little too familiar, perhaps similar to what they had heard when He blessed the bread and broke it for the 5 thousand, or one of the countless times they had eaten with Him in Mary and Martha’s house. Or could it have been the very fresh scars that peeked through the sleeves of His robe as He tore the bread for them, once again. Who knows what “did it” for them… but they saw Him, KNEW Him, and then He was GONE.. poof… vanished… Now, go share that little tidbit about Him with your kids!! In His absense, they remembered “that feeling” they had while He was speaking with them, and was opening the Scriptures up to them on the way there. Their hearts had burned… but not to the point of truly igniting and catching fire to a fresh wind of belief that would have ROCKED their little walk with Jesus. Nonetheless, something in them had known a few miles back, that this was no ordinary Man.
Jesus,
Thank you for all the times you have walked with me, as I have conversed and reasoned…talking all ABOUT you… but not TO You. Lord, seriously open the eyes of my understanding, I really really want to see You. You’re the only thing that will soothe my soul. You are the only way I want to go. God… intercept my “way” today, and I pray that if you want to still “journey on” I wouldn’t get caught up in my destination, but that You would take me where You’re going. Jesus, I want to have a quick heart to believe. I know that I am in the same boat as these two followers of Yours, only I know the story, I get to ask You for the things that I can see they lacked. If there is only one thing I can have at this moment. I want You. You Yourself… the real Jesus. I want to be where YOU are. God..I’m going to seek You, as this burning in my heart won’t quit. I know it’s part of hoping, part of what this side of heaven is like. Lord our bodies, our hearts, everything that is US, as humans… Jesus, we long for You so. Thank you that you say to us… “Handle Me and see!!! Luke 24:39”… You will be found, touched, and wept over.
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