May 10, 2005
So, what do I start with? Welcome to my blog. Glad you're reading. Pull up a comfy chair in here, and hang out with me. At least you're comfortable for now, right?
I think I need to begin here with explaining what Jill is to me. I think everyone needs a "Jill" in their life, but, hey, maybe you ARE one. Now, that's a thought that hurts my head... Do "Jills" need a "Jill?" ... I DON'T THINK SO!!! That could get ugly.
Do you need help getting motivated? Do you have things about you that you're good at, but are too afraid to admit it? Do you procrastinate? Are you lacking in the security department? I am... OUCH... that was hard to admit. Well, thankfully, I have a friend who sees through all of my excuses and won't let me ignore what she claims to see in me. It is wonderful and painful all at the same time. I am a creature of comfort.... but comfort is not such a comfortable place when I know I need to stretch myself by getting off the "hamster wheel of life". I need to pop the lid off the cage I've been quite content to live in.
So this is my first attempt at freedom. Yipes... I think there is a cat on the loose!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Salty Girl
May 12, 2005
Heartlight.org's verse of the day is:
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."-- Matthew 5:13
THEIR THOUGHT:
Jesus wanted us to never give up our moral distinctiveness, our redemptive influence, nor our loving impact on those around us. The purpose of our presence in the world is to be an influence in our culture against further decay and to season the bitter, dog-eat-dog world with grace and mercy.
MY THOUGHTS:
Whew!! I KNOW someone who REALLY does this well! She is living in an area of town that will declare her either prisoner, or missionary in her neighborhood. She is choosing missionary.
There are drug dealers, drug users, child neglecters, I just can't paint the picture well enough for you to GET IT... but there is gun fire in their neighborhood at night sometimes, loud music, and several weeks ago her neighbor across the street was killed. ACROSS THE STREET!
So, what is this family's response? I think that deep down, and maybe not too very deep.. they want to get the heck out of there. But for now, they are being salt.
There is a constant crowd of children in her yard as soon as the weather warms up in the spring, and throughout the summer, as she referees, she feeds them, and does all she can to serve, accept, love and listen to them while maintaining the "rules of the yard". She would love to have a quiet place for her kids to play, but for now, she's being light.
She has brought bagels, and countless other gifts of kindness to her 95 year old neighbor, and holds her dear enough to have her kids refer to her in a grandmotherly way. She has given rides to people, and provided on so many occasions, I just will never how many, she has delivered basic stuff to her neighbors who just couldn't afford at the time.
Oh, her husband is not without praise here too. He has a heart of gold as well, and felt LED to bring bottled water and fruit to the abandoned factory behind their house last week. I believe their target was the homeless who would visit the old building in the next 24 hours. They ran into graffiti artists instead, and God used my friend's friendly... "hey how's it going" demeanor to invite the girl into a small conversation, where she was just able to encounter Jesus love oozing out of every pore of my friend's being.
Lately, they've been called to draw a line in the sand and hold the neighborhood accountable for their many infringements on their peace, as well as the law. With tears welling up in my dear friends eyes, she shared with me and a group my close friends how angry it makes her when she encounters such resistance to God. She is offended in so many ways at the way people behave so badly in her neighborhood, but the thing that really "gets her" is that they are doing it to her Jesus. She has such a heart to see these people redeemed and set free from the chains of their lifestyles that have lasted just generations.
I have never personally encountered such a true true love for people who don't have Jesus.
My personal fleshly desire is to just pray pray pray that God would get them out of this neighborhood NOW! When you love someone, you just want to see them free of the yuck of life, and yet, this yuck is presently where God has her. I am so conflicted in my heart, wanting peace and protection, a fenced in backyard, peaceful nights without being woken up by loud music or knocks on the door from detectives; and yet, I know they are not only OK... but kept as safe if not safer than I probably am in my cozy little suburbian neighborhood. God is watching over them, and longs to continue to move through them to spread the light of His awesome love in a very very dark place.
They are missionaries.
Now, here is my question for myself, and for you. What yuck are you serving in today? Has God called you to live less than comfortable in some way, and even though you KNOW it won't last forever, it CAN'T last forever..... is there a way you can be salty right where you are? Believe in the power of the little things your heart is led to do. Don't let your heart be lied to that the words that you need to speak to a friend, the thanks you can offer the salesperson who is faithfully serving you in some way today, the line you can draw with a person who needs to see the love in your boundaries, the offering of kindness to your spouse who isn't doing the same at the moment, don't make a HUGE difference. I don't know what is on your yuck plate today.... but you do. Just stop with the excuses, and step out.
Heartlight.org's verse of the day is:
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."-- Matthew 5:13
THEIR THOUGHT:
Jesus wanted us to never give up our moral distinctiveness, our redemptive influence, nor our loving impact on those around us. The purpose of our presence in the world is to be an influence in our culture against further decay and to season the bitter, dog-eat-dog world with grace and mercy.
MY THOUGHTS:
Whew!! I KNOW someone who REALLY does this well! She is living in an area of town that will declare her either prisoner, or missionary in her neighborhood. She is choosing missionary.
There are drug dealers, drug users, child neglecters, I just can't paint the picture well enough for you to GET IT... but there is gun fire in their neighborhood at night sometimes, loud music, and several weeks ago her neighbor across the street was killed. ACROSS THE STREET!
So, what is this family's response? I think that deep down, and maybe not too very deep.. they want to get the heck out of there. But for now, they are being salt.
There is a constant crowd of children in her yard as soon as the weather warms up in the spring, and throughout the summer, as she referees, she feeds them, and does all she can to serve, accept, love and listen to them while maintaining the "rules of the yard". She would love to have a quiet place for her kids to play, but for now, she's being light.
She has brought bagels, and countless other gifts of kindness to her 95 year old neighbor, and holds her dear enough to have her kids refer to her in a grandmotherly way. She has given rides to people, and provided on so many occasions, I just will never how many, she has delivered basic stuff to her neighbors who just couldn't afford at the time.
Oh, her husband is not without praise here too. He has a heart of gold as well, and felt LED to bring bottled water and fruit to the abandoned factory behind their house last week. I believe their target was the homeless who would visit the old building in the next 24 hours. They ran into graffiti artists instead, and God used my friend's friendly... "hey how's it going" demeanor to invite the girl into a small conversation, where she was just able to encounter Jesus love oozing out of every pore of my friend's being.
Lately, they've been called to draw a line in the sand and hold the neighborhood accountable for their many infringements on their peace, as well as the law. With tears welling up in my dear friends eyes, she shared with me and a group my close friends how angry it makes her when she encounters such resistance to God. She is offended in so many ways at the way people behave so badly in her neighborhood, but the thing that really "gets her" is that they are doing it to her Jesus. She has such a heart to see these people redeemed and set free from the chains of their lifestyles that have lasted just generations.
I have never personally encountered such a true true love for people who don't have Jesus.
My personal fleshly desire is to just pray pray pray that God would get them out of this neighborhood NOW! When you love someone, you just want to see them free of the yuck of life, and yet, this yuck is presently where God has her. I am so conflicted in my heart, wanting peace and protection, a fenced in backyard, peaceful nights without being woken up by loud music or knocks on the door from detectives; and yet, I know they are not only OK... but kept as safe if not safer than I probably am in my cozy little suburbian neighborhood. God is watching over them, and longs to continue to move through them to spread the light of His awesome love in a very very dark place.
They are missionaries.
Now, here is my question for myself, and for you. What yuck are you serving in today? Has God called you to live less than comfortable in some way, and even though you KNOW it won't last forever, it CAN'T last forever..... is there a way you can be salty right where you are? Believe in the power of the little things your heart is led to do. Don't let your heart be lied to that the words that you need to speak to a friend, the thanks you can offer the salesperson who is faithfully serving you in some way today, the line you can draw with a person who needs to see the love in your boundaries, the offering of kindness to your spouse who isn't doing the same at the moment, don't make a HUGE difference. I don't know what is on your yuck plate today.... but you do. Just stop with the excuses, and step out.
Steady me Lord!
June 2, 2005
Gooey people. We all have to deal with them. How do we deal with them?
They infiltrate our lives like the grass in my grape hyacinth. If I try to pull it out, I’m pulling out little bulbs with it. Even if I think I get it all, it always creeps back in there, and I’m right back where I started. I have a feeling God has something to do with the placement of hard to handle people in our lives. (I know... she's smart too!)
It is a topic that I don’t like to visit. I don’t like to look at sin in other people’s lives because I know I have so much in my own life to deal with… so I just don’t go there. Not even in prayer though. That’s a problem.
On Sunday at church, there was a life changing moment for me.
CONVICTION
I can hear those of you who know me, laughing already.
I haven’t felt true grief over my sin in such a long time, actually, I only remember one other time where I really grieved over how I messed up my relationship with God, over sin. Most of the rest of the time, I confess without much grief. I am mostly upset at what my sin has cost me, not the damage it does my relationship with God.
So… the scene that was played to illustrate our pastor’s point… was one from Schindler’s List. (of course, I’m not sure what he said after that, because I was so completely overwhelmed by conviction from that point on…) Anyways, the scene was the one where the little girl is wandering the streets as Jews are being shot up all around her, and music is playing in the background while you’re watching all of this, and Schindler and the woman are on two horses. This was the deciding moment for him. Was he going to do anything, or was he going to let it be “their issue”? Was he going to get messily involved, or ride away?
Oh, my heart just breaks over my numbness to the way things are going in my life. I am so brutally numb to the patterns I see in my family, and have been of the mindset that it’s not my issue. I know it’s no comparison to the holocaust, but I guess that large scale correlation is what it took for me to open my eyes up.
God urged me to begin by praying and being angry over the sin of complacency and apathy that is in my life and against the sin of rebellion in my family's life. I'm in there too! I have to start caring though. I can’t just walk on, keep believing, keep praying that things will get better…. I have to start looking to the future and seeing the legacy that is being handed to my children. I don't want to make the Hezekiah mistake and just be content with the status quo in my life, if it means my children will be paying the price for my selfishness.
Up until this point I have been completely unwilling to allow God to reign in this area. If truth is going to cause explosion, or unfamiliar road for myself, or the possibility of more friction, I have not been willing to speak it. If and when God has asked me to speak out, He usually needs to use a neon billboard to get my attention. I haven’t been willing to even pray about this, but I feel Him asking me to surrender this land that I don’t even know. It’s like I've bought a plot out in some remote area that I haven't even walked on or seen. I don’t know that I want to be building a condo on it or anything, … but here I am, and God is asking me to give Him ownership of it, no matter what is lurking there.
I know I am not the only one to walk this road.
I am so scared though. I don’t want to act out of my flesh, because HELLO… I am a sinner. I mess up. I don’t know how to do this one right. I want more than anything to walk right. I want to walk blameless. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't have that as my defense. OH YUCK!!! All that is.... is sin, packaged up with a nice bow, but rotting inside, full of my filthy righteous rags. Standing still, and not moving forward, is separating me from realizing the power of God though, it IS blocking our intimacy. I just hunger for more of Him; He is drawing me into “big girl” obedience.
Here’s truth
Jude 17-25
But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And on some have compassion, making a distinction; but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling. And to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
He says He can keep me from stumbling. Oh, God, where is my faith? I know we aren’t playing little Jesus games here. This is big time. You’ve asked me for the doozie in the trust department. I can trust you with a lot of things, but this one is not going easily.
It’s back to Saul again. Will I trust you to come to my aid when I am in a pit and there are millions of Philistines waiting to take me out? Will I wait the last few hours for “Samuel” to show up and not act out of my own fear and flesh? Will I walk this out in faith, in the Holy Spirit? Will I place myself in the stream of the love of God, so that the force of His current will take me where He wants me to go? Am I interested in looking for His mercy, not only for myself but for those who hurt me? Will I learn to hate sin like He does?
The song that comes to my heart right now is the one that goes…
Where the Spirit of the Lord is…
There is freedom.
Lift your eyes to heaven,
There is freedom….
Jesus reigns in this place,
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every place.
There is freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.
Thank you Jesus,
You are bringing me into new free territory. Thank you that you have already plotted out my pathway before me. I only need to walk in Your steps. Thank you that You lead me beside the still waters, You restore my soul. My hope is in You. You are with me, in the valley and on the mountain top. You know my standing and sitting, when I go out and when I am coming home. In my dark places, You are there. You are familiar with “my ways”, and know how I operate, and that doesn’t stop you from working with this lump of clay. Lord thank you that I can trust You, You set all that was safe and all that was “You” aside, to save me. We are all nothing without You. We are all stinky and corrupt without Your touch. Thank you for putting Your will into the Father’s hands when You knew it would cost You everything in order to save this girl and a million others like me that are but dust. Thank You for loving us that much.
Gooey people. We all have to deal with them. How do we deal with them?
They infiltrate our lives like the grass in my grape hyacinth. If I try to pull it out, I’m pulling out little bulbs with it. Even if I think I get it all, it always creeps back in there, and I’m right back where I started. I have a feeling God has something to do with the placement of hard to handle people in our lives. (I know... she's smart too!)
It is a topic that I don’t like to visit. I don’t like to look at sin in other people’s lives because I know I have so much in my own life to deal with… so I just don’t go there. Not even in prayer though. That’s a problem.
On Sunday at church, there was a life changing moment for me.
CONVICTION
I can hear those of you who know me, laughing already.
I haven’t felt true grief over my sin in such a long time, actually, I only remember one other time where I really grieved over how I messed up my relationship with God, over sin. Most of the rest of the time, I confess without much grief. I am mostly upset at what my sin has cost me, not the damage it does my relationship with God.
So… the scene that was played to illustrate our pastor’s point… was one from Schindler’s List. (of course, I’m not sure what he said after that, because I was so completely overwhelmed by conviction from that point on…) Anyways, the scene was the one where the little girl is wandering the streets as Jews are being shot up all around her, and music is playing in the background while you’re watching all of this, and Schindler and the woman are on two horses. This was the deciding moment for him. Was he going to do anything, or was he going to let it be “their issue”? Was he going to get messily involved, or ride away?
Oh, my heart just breaks over my numbness to the way things are going in my life. I am so brutally numb to the patterns I see in my family, and have been of the mindset that it’s not my issue. I know it’s no comparison to the holocaust, but I guess that large scale correlation is what it took for me to open my eyes up.
God urged me to begin by praying and being angry over the sin of complacency and apathy that is in my life and against the sin of rebellion in my family's life. I'm in there too! I have to start caring though. I can’t just walk on, keep believing, keep praying that things will get better…. I have to start looking to the future and seeing the legacy that is being handed to my children. I don't want to make the Hezekiah mistake and just be content with the status quo in my life, if it means my children will be paying the price for my selfishness.
Up until this point I have been completely unwilling to allow God to reign in this area. If truth is going to cause explosion, or unfamiliar road for myself, or the possibility of more friction, I have not been willing to speak it. If and when God has asked me to speak out, He usually needs to use a neon billboard to get my attention. I haven’t been willing to even pray about this, but I feel Him asking me to surrender this land that I don’t even know. It’s like I've bought a plot out in some remote area that I haven't even walked on or seen. I don’t know that I want to be building a condo on it or anything, … but here I am, and God is asking me to give Him ownership of it, no matter what is lurking there.
I know I am not the only one to walk this road.
I am so scared though. I don’t want to act out of my flesh, because HELLO… I am a sinner. I mess up. I don’t know how to do this one right. I want more than anything to walk right. I want to walk blameless. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't have that as my defense. OH YUCK!!! All that is.... is sin, packaged up with a nice bow, but rotting inside, full of my filthy righteous rags. Standing still, and not moving forward, is separating me from realizing the power of God though, it IS blocking our intimacy. I just hunger for more of Him; He is drawing me into “big girl” obedience.
Here’s truth
Jude 17-25
But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And on some have compassion, making a distinction; but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling. And to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.
He says He can keep me from stumbling. Oh, God, where is my faith? I know we aren’t playing little Jesus games here. This is big time. You’ve asked me for the doozie in the trust department. I can trust you with a lot of things, but this one is not going easily.
It’s back to Saul again. Will I trust you to come to my aid when I am in a pit and there are millions of Philistines waiting to take me out? Will I wait the last few hours for “Samuel” to show up and not act out of my own fear and flesh? Will I walk this out in faith, in the Holy Spirit? Will I place myself in the stream of the love of God, so that the force of His current will take me where He wants me to go? Am I interested in looking for His mercy, not only for myself but for those who hurt me? Will I learn to hate sin like He does?
The song that comes to my heart right now is the one that goes…
Where the Spirit of the Lord is…
There is freedom.
Lift your eyes to heaven,
There is freedom….
Jesus reigns in this place,
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every place.
There is freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom. And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.
Thank you Jesus,
You are bringing me into new free territory. Thank you that you have already plotted out my pathway before me. I only need to walk in Your steps. Thank you that You lead me beside the still waters, You restore my soul. My hope is in You. You are with me, in the valley and on the mountain top. You know my standing and sitting, when I go out and when I am coming home. In my dark places, You are there. You are familiar with “my ways”, and know how I operate, and that doesn’t stop you from working with this lump of clay. Lord thank you that I can trust You, You set all that was safe and all that was “You” aside, to save me. We are all nothing without You. We are all stinky and corrupt without Your touch. Thank you for putting Your will into the Father’s hands when You knew it would cost You everything in order to save this girl and a million others like me that are but dust. Thank You for loving us that much.
Mary
August 25, 2005
I was reading last night, in John 20, and was touched by the whole account of Mary Magdalene right after Jesus had died and was laid in the tomb. I love how she just didn’t know what to do with herself after He was gone… so she had just been hanging out where she knew his body was, where she had last seen Him.
In her grief, and I expect that she wasn’t at all a pretty sight, the “Gardener” comes up to her and asks her why she is weeping, WHOM is she seeking? I love that He addressed her REAL issue, without her realizing it. If she had really listened to Him, and shared from her smattered, aching heart who she really was seeking….. as she waited outside His tomb….., it would have been a tough conversation to have with a stranger.
I don’t know how many of you have lost someone dear. I haven’t really experienced the death of someone I was particularly attached to yet, well, except my cat, and that is almost the silliest comparison to make here… but it’s all I have. After my sweet little cat of 14 years minus a day passed away last year, I just kept expecting to see her for the next several months. It was the strangest thing. I’d be doing my hair in the mornings and I would just turn around and expect to see her sitting there patiently waiting for me to get out the food and greet her sweetness. A couple of times I even would crane my neck around the corner to see if she was down the hall, and as silly as I knew I was acting, I just couldn’t believe that she really wasn’t there.
I imagine it is sooooo very much more intense than that, of course, with people we dearly love. You think you can still call them up, you have a problem arise that you would normally ask their opinion about, and you expect that resource to still be there. You expect them to be sitting in their “usual” place at a family gathering, but they’re just not there. You might even drive by their house, and just be so upset that there is a different car in the drive way, or a for sale sign outside the house that never went unattended.
I think that deep in Mary’s heart, she was still expecting to see Jesus. Not so much in a “full of faith… I’m believing in God’s promises… I’m believing for a miracle” sort of way, but just in that normal human way that really needs some time to accept death as final.
When the “Gardener” asks whom she is seeking, she doesn’t really answer His question… she isn’t exactly about to bear her soul with a complete stranger, even though she obviously needs another human being to lean on at the moment. I love it when He says… “Mary”. And that’s all she needs to know that it was Him.
She had heard it so very many times before, and that wonderful voice, not just speaking, but speaking her name was the most wonderful music to her ears. That voice that she heard over and over in her head as she replayed the events of the last 24 hours as well as the events of the last several years that she had known Him, all the times she hung on His every word…. That voice was speaking out her name once again. It really was Him!
So today I take encouragement to know that HE knows my name…. And I know what He sounds like when speaks to me. There is nothing like being known by Him, and being redeemed by such a love that would lay down His life for His friends. He did it for her, He did it for me, and He did it for you.
If by chance you run into the “Gardner” today, you might want to listen a little longer, and answer His REAL questions He is asking you. You don’t freak Him out, He knows where each one of us is at, and He still approaches us and longs for us to hear Him speaking out our names.
I was reading last night, in John 20, and was touched by the whole account of Mary Magdalene right after Jesus had died and was laid in the tomb. I love how she just didn’t know what to do with herself after He was gone… so she had just been hanging out where she knew his body was, where she had last seen Him.
In her grief, and I expect that she wasn’t at all a pretty sight, the “Gardener” comes up to her and asks her why she is weeping, WHOM is she seeking? I love that He addressed her REAL issue, without her realizing it. If she had really listened to Him, and shared from her smattered, aching heart who she really was seeking….. as she waited outside His tomb….., it would have been a tough conversation to have with a stranger.
I don’t know how many of you have lost someone dear. I haven’t really experienced the death of someone I was particularly attached to yet, well, except my cat, and that is almost the silliest comparison to make here… but it’s all I have. After my sweet little cat of 14 years minus a day passed away last year, I just kept expecting to see her for the next several months. It was the strangest thing. I’d be doing my hair in the mornings and I would just turn around and expect to see her sitting there patiently waiting for me to get out the food and greet her sweetness. A couple of times I even would crane my neck around the corner to see if she was down the hall, and as silly as I knew I was acting, I just couldn’t believe that she really wasn’t there.
I imagine it is sooooo very much more intense than that, of course, with people we dearly love. You think you can still call them up, you have a problem arise that you would normally ask their opinion about, and you expect that resource to still be there. You expect them to be sitting in their “usual” place at a family gathering, but they’re just not there. You might even drive by their house, and just be so upset that there is a different car in the drive way, or a for sale sign outside the house that never went unattended.
I think that deep in Mary’s heart, she was still expecting to see Jesus. Not so much in a “full of faith… I’m believing in God’s promises… I’m believing for a miracle” sort of way, but just in that normal human way that really needs some time to accept death as final.
When the “Gardener” asks whom she is seeking, she doesn’t really answer His question… she isn’t exactly about to bear her soul with a complete stranger, even though she obviously needs another human being to lean on at the moment. I love it when He says… “Mary”. And that’s all she needs to know that it was Him.
She had heard it so very many times before, and that wonderful voice, not just speaking, but speaking her name was the most wonderful music to her ears. That voice that she heard over and over in her head as she replayed the events of the last 24 hours as well as the events of the last several years that she had known Him, all the times she hung on His every word…. That voice was speaking out her name once again. It really was Him!
So today I take encouragement to know that HE knows my name…. And I know what He sounds like when speaks to me. There is nothing like being known by Him, and being redeemed by such a love that would lay down His life for His friends. He did it for her, He did it for me, and He did it for you.
If by chance you run into the “Gardner” today, you might want to listen a little longer, and answer His REAL questions He is asking you. You don’t freak Him out, He knows where each one of us is at, and He still approaches us and longs for us to hear Him speaking out our names.
Pray anyway
August 26, 2005
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. -- Romans 8:26
How many times am I stopped in my tracks because I think I need to “know how to pray”. I know the burden that I have in my heart for things in my own life as well as in the lives of others, and sometimes I know I need to pray for something… but just don’t know how to begin expressing it.
This isn’t some huge new revelation… just something I think I need to be reminded of… OFTEN. We pray… we don’t have a clue what to even pray for, I mean… really… we don’t. But when we do it ANYWAYS, He mixes our human attempts with His amazing “Godness” and brings it all to the throne room before our Father.
A prayer for a friend for peace while her mother, or child was in the hospital, would now look like peace + whatever the Spirit knew REALLY needed to happen. All those heartbreaking details, the secrets of the heart, the past, the not yet to come, the things that would explode our hearts if we really knew the weight and measure of it all, He’s got our prayers covered, in a way only He can. Oh, and He DOES know the details. Isn’t that comforting to meditate on?
Something else that let me see into His heart even more this morning was God’s reaction to Israel after they had worshipped idols and forsaken Him AGAIN.
At first He told them to go seek their idols for deliverance. OUCH!!!! Well, instead, they cried out to Him again, and asked Him to do whatever seemed best… only please deliver them. I am guessing that prayer was BIG TIME “fixed up” by the groanings of the Spirit! Look at our precious Father's amazing response…
And His soul could no longer endure the misery of Israel. Judges 10:16
Have you had seasons of your life where you live your own way, not really taking things to God, lifting up problems, people, or blessings higher than Him, prioritizing your time in a way that shuts Him out of the equation? Have you gone down a road of complete rebellion at times, knowing full well that what you were doing was completely deliberately against what you knew God was speaking to you? Have you ignored what you knew full well was right and just kept making up whatever excuse… perhaps blaming God for why you are choosing against Him for a season? Do you feel like He is going to turn you away if you try to cry out to Him again??? Well stop listening to THAT lie…OK??? Let’s just stop listening to it.
Not only is the Spirit there to intercede for us as we pray our pathetic prayers for deliverance, or of repentence… don’t they FEEL pathetic??? (I know they aren’t to God… but let’s get real here.) He is there to join with our.. “Oh, God… I am so burdened right now with all my stuff.. I don’t even know how I got here, or where to begin" prayers, and the Spirit takes it to the throne room and then PRAYS for the REAL issues at hand that we didn’t even know exist, or WOULD exist in the future.
He takes it to our Dad who is grieved beyond measure by the pain, suffering, problems, trials and troubles of His kids. His holy, perfect, completely faithful and just soul is pained beyond measure at our misery, no matter how heavy, what the cause, and no matter if we realize how miserable we are… or not…. That amazing heart is drawing me in.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. -- Romans 8:26
How many times am I stopped in my tracks because I think I need to “know how to pray”. I know the burden that I have in my heart for things in my own life as well as in the lives of others, and sometimes I know I need to pray for something… but just don’t know how to begin expressing it.
This isn’t some huge new revelation… just something I think I need to be reminded of… OFTEN. We pray… we don’t have a clue what to even pray for, I mean… really… we don’t. But when we do it ANYWAYS, He mixes our human attempts with His amazing “Godness” and brings it all to the throne room before our Father.
A prayer for a friend for peace while her mother, or child was in the hospital, would now look like peace + whatever the Spirit knew REALLY needed to happen. All those heartbreaking details, the secrets of the heart, the past, the not yet to come, the things that would explode our hearts if we really knew the weight and measure of it all, He’s got our prayers covered, in a way only He can. Oh, and He DOES know the details. Isn’t that comforting to meditate on?
Something else that let me see into His heart even more this morning was God’s reaction to Israel after they had worshipped idols and forsaken Him AGAIN.
At first He told them to go seek their idols for deliverance. OUCH!!!! Well, instead, they cried out to Him again, and asked Him to do whatever seemed best… only please deliver them. I am guessing that prayer was BIG TIME “fixed up” by the groanings of the Spirit! Look at our precious Father's amazing response…
And His soul could no longer endure the misery of Israel. Judges 10:16
Have you had seasons of your life where you live your own way, not really taking things to God, lifting up problems, people, or blessings higher than Him, prioritizing your time in a way that shuts Him out of the equation? Have you gone down a road of complete rebellion at times, knowing full well that what you were doing was completely deliberately against what you knew God was speaking to you? Have you ignored what you knew full well was right and just kept making up whatever excuse… perhaps blaming God for why you are choosing against Him for a season? Do you feel like He is going to turn you away if you try to cry out to Him again??? Well stop listening to THAT lie…OK??? Let’s just stop listening to it.
Not only is the Spirit there to intercede for us as we pray our pathetic prayers for deliverance, or of repentence… don’t they FEEL pathetic??? (I know they aren’t to God… but let’s get real here.) He is there to join with our.. “Oh, God… I am so burdened right now with all my stuff.. I don’t even know how I got here, or where to begin" prayers, and the Spirit takes it to the throne room and then PRAYS for the REAL issues at hand that we didn’t even know exist, or WOULD exist in the future.
He takes it to our Dad who is grieved beyond measure by the pain, suffering, problems, trials and troubles of His kids. His holy, perfect, completely faithful and just soul is pained beyond measure at our misery, no matter how heavy, what the cause, and no matter if we realize how miserable we are… or not…. That amazing heart is drawing me in.
Hit upside the head
August 27, 2005
How many times are we simply walking through our day, and we are knocked upside the head by something totally unforeseen that just knocks the wind out of us… and we just have NO idea where it came from.
Have you been hit upside the head lately? Have you run to the well of peace that will take care of all the heart and mind fall out that results from this experience??? ME NEITHER!!! Or… have you taken it all to him a few times, or a few hundred times, but are losing heart as things just don’t seem to get much better???
I think that these occurrences are perfectly normal, but our tendency is to try to wrap our brains around them and figure out WHY!!! If we can figure out why… then maybe they can be avoided the next time.
What if the point wasn’t to spend all our energies avoiding the unforeseen???? How much time do I spend trying to guard against those things that I CAN’T control??? It’s like that little Al-Anon prayer that we’ve probably all heard.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(I know I’m probably not quoting that correctly… but it goes SOMETHING like that.)
What CAN we change???? What do we need to fight tooth and nail for or against, invest in, withdraw from, and change our perspective about?
What is out of our control that we need to grieve the loss of, not take the responsibility for, accept and take one day at a time???
I think that there are too many people who do one or the other… and very few who know the healthy balance away from both extremes. Either we take EVERYTHING on, it’s ALL our fault… we’re in charge, and we call ALL the shots. OR… We give up total control of our lives to “chance” we don’t look towards the future, we don’t plan, we give up easily, we feel helpless, afraid, and we let everyone else take the blame for everything that is going wrong in our lives.
If you’re like me… you might even go back and forth between the two… but not in a very HEALTHY way.
What do I do when I’m hit upside the head financially, by that WACKY phone call from my MOM that propels me 15 years back into the past in only a 10 minute conversation? What do I do if my friend’s mom is in a sudden car accident and they don’t know if she’ll make it or someone’s dear relative passes away suddenly? What about my friend’s husband who has done EVERYTHING humanly possible to land himself a job this fall… and has prayed his GUTS out for a job… and NO JOB??? What about a friend's child that is going through chemotherapy, or some other horrific health issue that doesn't seem to be getting better at the moment? The list could just go on and on.... What do I do when I feel like there is NOTHING I CAN do to help the people I love, to change my own life, or I am completely caught up in trying to change EVERYTHING on my own??? Here is a little truth!
Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for You. 1 Peter 5:7
Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds. Phil 4:6-7
If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
He can handle us, and LONGS to handle our stuff. God knew about the car accident before it happened, he knew what would be said on the phone with my mom, He knows everything that is about to happen NEXT week, as well as every single thing that has happened to us, and our friends/relatives since the day they were conceived AND BEFORE! Not only does He KNOW…… HE CARES.
So… what am I flippin’ out about that is COMPLETELY out of my control right now??? What IS in my control??? As much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, I don’t know ALL the details, like HE does. I don’t know myself the way HE does. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him.
Once again… bear with me, I know I’m butchering this… but this little hymn just came to mind, and it is giving me chills. Let the words, familiar as they are… sink into your heart.
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief’s to bear,
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh, the peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
How many times are we simply walking through our day, and we are knocked upside the head by something totally unforeseen that just knocks the wind out of us… and we just have NO idea where it came from.
Have you been hit upside the head lately? Have you run to the well of peace that will take care of all the heart and mind fall out that results from this experience??? ME NEITHER!!! Or… have you taken it all to him a few times, or a few hundred times, but are losing heart as things just don’t seem to get much better???
I think that these occurrences are perfectly normal, but our tendency is to try to wrap our brains around them and figure out WHY!!! If we can figure out why… then maybe they can be avoided the next time.
What if the point wasn’t to spend all our energies avoiding the unforeseen???? How much time do I spend trying to guard against those things that I CAN’T control??? It’s like that little Al-Anon prayer that we’ve probably all heard.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
(I know I’m probably not quoting that correctly… but it goes SOMETHING like that.)
What CAN we change???? What do we need to fight tooth and nail for or against, invest in, withdraw from, and change our perspective about?
What is out of our control that we need to grieve the loss of, not take the responsibility for, accept and take one day at a time???
I think that there are too many people who do one or the other… and very few who know the healthy balance away from both extremes. Either we take EVERYTHING on, it’s ALL our fault… we’re in charge, and we call ALL the shots. OR… We give up total control of our lives to “chance” we don’t look towards the future, we don’t plan, we give up easily, we feel helpless, afraid, and we let everyone else take the blame for everything that is going wrong in our lives.
If you’re like me… you might even go back and forth between the two… but not in a very HEALTHY way.
What do I do when I’m hit upside the head financially, by that WACKY phone call from my MOM that propels me 15 years back into the past in only a 10 minute conversation? What do I do if my friend’s mom is in a sudden car accident and they don’t know if she’ll make it or someone’s dear relative passes away suddenly? What about my friend’s husband who has done EVERYTHING humanly possible to land himself a job this fall… and has prayed his GUTS out for a job… and NO JOB??? What about a friend's child that is going through chemotherapy, or some other horrific health issue that doesn't seem to be getting better at the moment? The list could just go on and on.... What do I do when I feel like there is NOTHING I CAN do to help the people I love, to change my own life, or I am completely caught up in trying to change EVERYTHING on my own??? Here is a little truth!
Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for You. 1 Peter 5:7
Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds. Phil 4:6-7
If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
He can handle us, and LONGS to handle our stuff. God knew about the car accident before it happened, he knew what would be said on the phone with my mom, He knows everything that is about to happen NEXT week, as well as every single thing that has happened to us, and our friends/relatives since the day they were conceived AND BEFORE! Not only does He KNOW…… HE CARES.
So… what am I flippin’ out about that is COMPLETELY out of my control right now??? What IS in my control??? As much as I think I can handle stuff on my own, I don’t know ALL the details, like HE does. I don’t know myself the way HE does. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him.
Once again… bear with me, I know I’m butchering this… but this little hymn just came to mind, and it is giving me chills. Let the words, familiar as they are… sink into your heart.
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief’s to bear,
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
Oh, the peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
Raindrops on Roses
August 30, 2005
I think it is important to make lists once in a while. For me, it helps me to make sense of all the madness that is going on in my head. When I write things down, I can see the importance of things, the insanity or deception, and what exactly I believe or hold dear. It’s a good way to see what I am overly focusing on, that I need to let up on a bit, as well, as the things that motivate me, the things I shouldn’t give up on, ways I’m growing, and things that are the essence of “why I am here.”
Last night I made a list of all the things I could think of that I currently hold dear. I am sure there are things I’ll want to add and possibly even delete as I grow and change. This list includes many of the things that jazz me, or that I desperately seek. They are things that I desire, need, want, enjoy, relish, or that I am simply thankful for. You can figure out which is which! They are in complete random order, except for my pitiful efforts to try to categorize them a bit.
I know there will be some glaring things missing from the list due to my own scatterbrained nature or just because… I’m being really honest. It’ll just give those of you who know me a chance to exercise #’s 6 & 7 on the “personal security” list. =)
Oh, it really didn’t take that long at all to come up with the list, about 20 minutes to jot down what came to mind. I feel quite purged in a sense after doing it. (There’s another one to add to the list). If anyone would enjoy listing a few of their favorite things in the comment section…. =) that would be my #2 on the “personal security” list. No pressure!
Comfort
1. Time to think
2. Time alone
3. Time period
4. Silence
5. Adequate sleep
6. Sanctity of my bed
7. Sanctity of my shower
8. A good solid, it’s sooo good to see you, hug
9. A word spoken in due season
10. Coffee
11. Chocolate
12. Listening ears
13. Commiserating friends
14. Peace that passes understanding
15. Panera’s French toast bagels
16. The sound of birds chirping outside before anyone else is up making noise
17. Kindness
Personal Security
1. Belonging
2. Connecting
3. Competency
4. Feeling understood
5. Feeling needed (funny that I don’t really need to BE understood or needed … I just want to feel like I am!)
6. Having friends who can lovingly confront me
7. Having friends who pray for me
8. People who are patient with me
9. Being looked out for
10. Loyalty
11. Being comfortable with brutally honest, super safe people, who won’t kick me to the curb when they see the pieces of me I hide, or think I am hiding.
Friendship
1. Close friendships
2. Super close friendships
3. Friends being honest with me
4. Security and comfort with friends… (See above lists)
5. Coffee dates with girlfriends
6. Walk out my faith with others
7. Being honest with friends
Growing relationship with God
1. Intimacy with Jesus
2. Understanding my identity as God’s daughter better
3. Knowing God for who He really is
4. Seeing God do radical stuff
5. Hearing God’s voice
6. Becoming a better repenter without freezing up under condemnation before I even get to the throne room
7. Seeing God’s glory
Personal growth
1. Being an encouragement
2. Speaking truth
3. Being used by God
4. Becoming a woman of faith
5. Becoming a faithful person
6. Connecting with my kids
7. Memorizing scripture that I use on a daily basis in my walk that I always have to look up again and again… that I should know by now!
8. I’d like to become better at balancing my home with the other things I love. Honestly put….spending as little time as possible to get my home in order so that I have extra time left over to guiltlessly spend writing, and with people I enjoy.
9. I’d like to be a better light for Jesus at work, at the kids’ schools, at the library, in girl & boy scouts and at the grocery store, to name a few. I want to become an authentic Christian, one who draws people into wanting to know Jesus.
10. I want to be a better planner
11. I want to really know and understand the Bible better
Maybe join one of the “through the Bible in 7 years” Bible studies I have heard about-once the kids are all in school all day.
12. Writing daily
13. Being encouraged
Family growth
1. Growing closer as a family
2. Becoming a giving, loving family
3. Living within our means
4. Domestic tranquility =) (school house rock song coming to mind???)
Physical Security
1. My kids’ safety and health be it mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, both at school, and wherever, for today, tomorrow and forever.
2. The safety and health of others
3. My safety and health-it is soooo hard to be “taken out” temporarily by health issues or injury… especially as a mom.
People in general
1. Seeing and hearing people laugh
2. Anyone who is excited about God
3. People who lean into Jesus when life doesn’t make sense
4. Women discovering the jazz of reading the Bible
5. People who own their issues, and are humble enough to ask for help or forgiveness and who seek God’s grace and truth
6. The fragility of humans (seems to contradict #5… but I still savor it)
Not sure where to put these…. still important though
1. Sanctity of life
2. Someday writing a book … something along the lines of… how to survive when the things on this list don’t work out the way you want them to. (Just kidding… about the title)
3. Mountains
4. Creativity
5. Freedom
6. My kids growing up and remembering all that they have been taught that is useful, loving, wise, and God centered.
7. My kids learning from the mistakes of all they have been taught due to human weakness.
8. Purging
9. Getting a cabin at Lake Hope for a few days
10. Being lazy at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage on the lake
11. Walks in the woods
Short term home improvement goals, over the next couple of years
Kitchen-redone, café colors (brickish/copper/cream/browns)
Downstairs bathroom-floor tiled, periwinkle paint, white accents/fresh clean look
Basement- GET RID OF GREEN HIDEOUS CARPET that’ll be the first step... and it’ll take a while to see this one happen.
Laundry room- I want a laundry HAVEN, not big $, no new appliances, just pretty, uplifting, and a place I don’t want to leave. =)
Get rid of the crappy orange couch that has the green slipcover on it. It grieves me!
I think it is important to make lists once in a while. For me, it helps me to make sense of all the madness that is going on in my head. When I write things down, I can see the importance of things, the insanity or deception, and what exactly I believe or hold dear. It’s a good way to see what I am overly focusing on, that I need to let up on a bit, as well, as the things that motivate me, the things I shouldn’t give up on, ways I’m growing, and things that are the essence of “why I am here.”
Last night I made a list of all the things I could think of that I currently hold dear. I am sure there are things I’ll want to add and possibly even delete as I grow and change. This list includes many of the things that jazz me, or that I desperately seek. They are things that I desire, need, want, enjoy, relish, or that I am simply thankful for. You can figure out which is which! They are in complete random order, except for my pitiful efforts to try to categorize them a bit.
I know there will be some glaring things missing from the list due to my own scatterbrained nature or just because… I’m being really honest. It’ll just give those of you who know me a chance to exercise #’s 6 & 7 on the “personal security” list. =)
Oh, it really didn’t take that long at all to come up with the list, about 20 minutes to jot down what came to mind. I feel quite purged in a sense after doing it. (There’s another one to add to the list). If anyone would enjoy listing a few of their favorite things in the comment section…. =) that would be my #2 on the “personal security” list. No pressure!
Comfort
1. Time to think
2. Time alone
3. Time period
4. Silence
5. Adequate sleep
6. Sanctity of my bed
7. Sanctity of my shower
8. A good solid, it’s sooo good to see you, hug
9. A word spoken in due season
10. Coffee
11. Chocolate
12. Listening ears
13. Commiserating friends
14. Peace that passes understanding
15. Panera’s French toast bagels
16. The sound of birds chirping outside before anyone else is up making noise
17. Kindness
Personal Security
1. Belonging
2. Connecting
3. Competency
4. Feeling understood
5. Feeling needed (funny that I don’t really need to BE understood or needed … I just want to feel like I am!)
6. Having friends who can lovingly confront me
7. Having friends who pray for me
8. People who are patient with me
9. Being looked out for
10. Loyalty
11. Being comfortable with brutally honest, super safe people, who won’t kick me to the curb when they see the pieces of me I hide, or think I am hiding.
Friendship
1. Close friendships
2. Super close friendships
3. Friends being honest with me
4. Security and comfort with friends… (See above lists)
5. Coffee dates with girlfriends
6. Walk out my faith with others
7. Being honest with friends
Growing relationship with God
1. Intimacy with Jesus
2. Understanding my identity as God’s daughter better
3. Knowing God for who He really is
4. Seeing God do radical stuff
5. Hearing God’s voice
6. Becoming a better repenter without freezing up under condemnation before I even get to the throne room
7. Seeing God’s glory
Personal growth
1. Being an encouragement
2. Speaking truth
3. Being used by God
4. Becoming a woman of faith
5. Becoming a faithful person
6. Connecting with my kids
7. Memorizing scripture that I use on a daily basis in my walk that I always have to look up again and again… that I should know by now!
8. I’d like to become better at balancing my home with the other things I love. Honestly put….spending as little time as possible to get my home in order so that I have extra time left over to guiltlessly spend writing, and with people I enjoy.
9. I’d like to be a better light for Jesus at work, at the kids’ schools, at the library, in girl & boy scouts and at the grocery store, to name a few. I want to become an authentic Christian, one who draws people into wanting to know Jesus.
10. I want to be a better planner
11. I want to really know and understand the Bible better
Maybe join one of the “through the Bible in 7 years” Bible studies I have heard about-once the kids are all in school all day.
12. Writing daily
13. Being encouraged
Family growth
1. Growing closer as a family
2. Becoming a giving, loving family
3. Living within our means
4. Domestic tranquility =) (school house rock song coming to mind???)
Physical Security
1. My kids’ safety and health be it mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, both at school, and wherever, for today, tomorrow and forever.
2. The safety and health of others
3. My safety and health-it is soooo hard to be “taken out” temporarily by health issues or injury… especially as a mom.
People in general
1. Seeing and hearing people laugh
2. Anyone who is excited about God
3. People who lean into Jesus when life doesn’t make sense
4. Women discovering the jazz of reading the Bible
5. People who own their issues, and are humble enough to ask for help or forgiveness and who seek God’s grace and truth
6. The fragility of humans (seems to contradict #5… but I still savor it)
Not sure where to put these…. still important though
1. Sanctity of life
2. Someday writing a book … something along the lines of… how to survive when the things on this list don’t work out the way you want them to. (Just kidding… about the title)
3. Mountains
4. Creativity
5. Freedom
6. My kids growing up and remembering all that they have been taught that is useful, loving, wise, and God centered.
7. My kids learning from the mistakes of all they have been taught due to human weakness.
8. Purging
9. Getting a cabin at Lake Hope for a few days
10. Being lazy at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage on the lake
11. Walks in the woods
Short term home improvement goals, over the next couple of years
Kitchen-redone, café colors (brickish/copper/cream/browns)
Downstairs bathroom-floor tiled, periwinkle paint, white accents/fresh clean look
Basement- GET RID OF GREEN HIDEOUS CARPET that’ll be the first step... and it’ll take a while to see this one happen.
Laundry room- I want a laundry HAVEN, not big $, no new appliances, just pretty, uplifting, and a place I don’t want to leave. =)
Get rid of the crappy orange couch that has the green slipcover on it. It grieves me!
Scared to hope
On hoping….. April, 22, 2005
It sounds crazy. Why am I hoping? I am hoping because He asked me to. Once again, here I sit, knowing that obeying You is the only way to life. Hope is risky, embarrassing, like the one hoping is to be mocked for her stupidity to think that anything in her heart could or should come true. What if I hope for something wrong? I guess you’ve got that covered too.
Romans 8:24-28
For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
My hoping isn’t wicked or stupid. God isn’t upset that I am hoping for something ridiculous. He isn’t chuckling to Himself over my ignorance. I don’t think He would have taken the time to become a man if He didn’t care about the little things that make me tick, that make me human. His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care, or isn’t interested. Silent people don’t always intend disinterest. Why is that my perception? Once again, it’s about trusting, letting go of the reigns of my heart as I allow Him the ability to crush me. I think another brick of my wall might have just fallen. God… I want to give you my desires, I want to verbalize them to You, and then let You “not” speak to me regarding them for as long as You see fit. I don’t want to draw any conclusions in the weeks/months/years I am waiting for you to answer or move. If I could only just do that, I think I would actually hope for a heck of a lot more.
The other thing that is so reassuring about these verses is that as I wait for what I don’t see, the very things that I wait for may not even be right for me. You don’t say… “Hey, get it right girl, stop expecting life to be so perfect all the time, just suck it up and go with the flow.” God I think You are asking me to, in prayer, NOT go with the flow. Put my heart out on the line, and expect You to do stuff that is crazy awesome and crazy good. Your love, Holy Spirit, extends so far as to pray your guts out, to sift through my prayers and hopes and line them up with what God’s perfect will is for my life. What more could I ask for? You want me to lay out all my imperfect requests, and unlike the guy I though You were, who would be all over me for being selfish, You are there to help me get my prayers answered in a way that is going to be for my ultimate good. The question is… do I trust You? Seeing that kind of love for me makes it about impossible not to. I imagine it’s like a dad running beside his girl as she rides her bike without training wheels for the first time.
It sounds crazy. Why am I hoping? I am hoping because He asked me to. Once again, here I sit, knowing that obeying You is the only way to life. Hope is risky, embarrassing, like the one hoping is to be mocked for her stupidity to think that anything in her heart could or should come true. What if I hope for something wrong? I guess you’ve got that covered too.
Romans 8:24-28
For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
My hoping isn’t wicked or stupid. God isn’t upset that I am hoping for something ridiculous. He isn’t chuckling to Himself over my ignorance. I don’t think He would have taken the time to become a man if He didn’t care about the little things that make me tick, that make me human. His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care, or isn’t interested. Silent people don’t always intend disinterest. Why is that my perception? Once again, it’s about trusting, letting go of the reigns of my heart as I allow Him the ability to crush me. I think another brick of my wall might have just fallen. God… I want to give you my desires, I want to verbalize them to You, and then let You “not” speak to me regarding them for as long as You see fit. I don’t want to draw any conclusions in the weeks/months/years I am waiting for you to answer or move. If I could only just do that, I think I would actually hope for a heck of a lot more.
The other thing that is so reassuring about these verses is that as I wait for what I don’t see, the very things that I wait for may not even be right for me. You don’t say… “Hey, get it right girl, stop expecting life to be so perfect all the time, just suck it up and go with the flow.” God I think You are asking me to, in prayer, NOT go with the flow. Put my heart out on the line, and expect You to do stuff that is crazy awesome and crazy good. Your love, Holy Spirit, extends so far as to pray your guts out, to sift through my prayers and hopes and line them up with what God’s perfect will is for my life. What more could I ask for? You want me to lay out all my imperfect requests, and unlike the guy I though You were, who would be all over me for being selfish, You are there to help me get my prayers answered in a way that is going to be for my ultimate good. The question is… do I trust You? Seeing that kind of love for me makes it about impossible not to. I imagine it’s like a dad running beside his girl as she rides her bike without training wheels for the first time.
Hope list from April 2005
What do I want to see You do? April 22, 2005
God…
*I want to see You change my mind about things that I can’t change my mind about on my own.
*I want to grow in the fruits of the Spirit
*I want to walk by faith and not by sight
*I want to be a real human and not idolize my insignificance.
*I want to see You move in my dearly loved ones lives. I want to see You pour out Your healing, wholeness, love, grace, peace and abundant life. I know that You are the Only source of that good. I know it is You IN me that desires this so much and it is about all I can handle sometimes. This must be one of your “handcrafted” empty places. Thank You for putting it there so I will seek You.
*I want You to use me to spread the truth about You, I want to look like You because I’ve been with You.
*I want the gospel to be attractive in me
*I want to hear Your voice better and obey more in faith believing that You are going to do something.
*I want to balance my time here as a mom/wife/friend/daughter/writer/truth speaker/encourager/God lover better.
*I want you to bust through my defenses and get up close and personal with me.
*I want You to affirm Your love to me.
*I want You to take my husband to his next “God level".
*I want my boys to find You at an early age, learn to trust You, and believe the truth in Your word. I want them to know who You really are, instead of hanging onto a graven image of who they think You are. I want them to find power to overcome their weaknesses and strength to obey Your voice and whatever You call them to do. I want them to know You as their awesome unfailing dad. I want You to remove the things that block them from receiving You, remove the obstacles. God keep me faithful to pray for them without ceasing.
* I want my girl to use the faith that you have given to her at such a young age and see You move in her life as a little girl. I want her to have a childhood legacy of God movement. I want You to be BIG to her, and meet all of her needs. I want her to remember the times You have specifically answered her prayers. I want her to sense Your protection and gifts to her. God, encourage her and develop her in a way that will make her into a huge threat to the kingdom of darkness and that will bring You so much glory in her lifetime.
* Help me to break down the barriers that I have to excellent friendship. Help me to trust You with me as I open up to people around me.
* Help me to discover the awesome gift of repentance. Help it to be a regular part of my life. Help me to regularly shed the yuck off of me so that I can walk unhindered.
* Just let me be an instrument of Your peace where it wouldn’t normally exist.
Farewell to Thatcher's AKA Scottie MacBeans/Clintonville
Thursday, 30 November 2006
Thatcher's, formerly known as Scottie MacBeans on High Street in Clintonville is only one month away from being a very fond memory. I wish there was something I could do to get out the defibrillator paddles and make the straight line go away. Denial isn't going to work...I don't have the energy for the mental charade....I'm going straight towards sad acceptance.
WHY??? Why is such a dreamy coffee shop closing? Well, there are many "makes sense" reasons, which I see myself nodding to when they are explained to me... but in my heart, I want to KICK my "makes sense self" to the curb screaming and wailing... Noooooooooo!!!!!
Dead or not.. I'm still praying for a miracle until they kick my butt out of there, pack up the roaster, the coffee can paraphernalia, the pictures, the album cover wall entertainment, the "gobble you up couches", and the big clock on the wall that always eventually points to 11:15 every time I go in there, signaling that I must stop talking, listening, dreaming and refilling and head towards the door.
Packing up the "out from behind the counter" employees is something I'm afraid they won't be able to do. They'll still be wonderful... just someplace else. Hope they leave some clues when it's all over, so we can go buy their car insurance, pick up a copy of their bestseller, or ride to Spain on the airline they buy. I know they all will find their places in the world after the coffee bean dust settles; I'm just not sure we'll find another wardrobe to wander into any time soon. Coffee Narnia is about to dump the wardrobe and even if it's really balsa wood under the fine finish, I liked my ignorance while it lasted.
So, why not just find another coffee shop??? I'll tell you....
When you walk in the door, the aroma is amazing. The brightness is kept to a minimum for us light sensitive pre-caffeinated people, and it just is very welcoming. Whether you hang out in the main dining hall or duck into the cozy lounge, there's a lazy, thoughtful atmosphere, one that begs creativity and thought collaboration. You are treated like you're important, and everyone is relaxed and honest. It's just like being in another world.
So, along with being incredibly inviting, with or without the coffee, anyone who knows me for even 5 minutes, knows how much I LOVE COFFEE. I walk with it, ride with it, carry it, spill it, buy it and I use it to get people together to socialize.
Do I like Thatcher's because I'm I picky about my coffee??? Well, I'm only picky if there is a choice between good coffee and amazing coffee, and Thatcher's is definitely amazing coffee. Now, if it's between crappy coffee WITH LOTS OF CREAMER, or NO coffee... I pick crappy coffee. Crappy coffee with NO creamer??? I don't think so... I'd rather be tired and crabby. I like yummy coffee drip brewed at home, BUT, I'd rather have yummy coffee where I can socialize. I'm more about relationships, the caffeine is secondary, a VERY close second I might add. Since I'm too cheap to buy yummy coffee for home all the time, I usually get... (oh and listen to how warped this is...)....KROGER brand Breakfast blend... BUT rather than leaving it in the tin can, I pour it into an old plastic Folgers's coffee can. Don't ask me why. I just hate the metal I guess. I know... I'm a wacko. Kroger works. It's pretty utilitarian though.
Since I'd rather socialize while I'm coffe-ing up, I like to do a coffee shop coffee a couple of times a week. I don't get the coffee drinks except once in a GREAT while...so I usually just get whatever's the flavor of the day.
I loathe bitter coffee no matter where it is. Starbucks is too cardboard containerish for me and Caribou is too rough and rugged. Panera has good generic coffee. It's dependable. It's just nothing special. Brewsters is pretty good, just too far away, so I guess that leaves Cup O Joe, which I like... it's just too cramped in their dining area. So, as you can see, finding "just another cup of coffee" is a little more complicated than it might seem.
My favorite Thatcher's flavor is Highlander Grogg. It has a wonderful butterscotch flavor that's not too sweet, and it is smooth as anything. My second favorite flavor is The Nutty Scottsman. I love getting the Nutty Scottsman when I'm having a "day". He makes me smile. He doesn't care if I'm in a bad mood. =)
An interesting fact that I learned at Thatcher's is that coffee is DEAD after one month post roasting. Coffee in a can is DEAD. This means that for one month after Thatcher's closes, I will still be able to drink hoards of purchased LIVE coffee, but come my favorite holiday, Groundhog's day, I'll be drinking the dead stuff again. Unless I miraculously find another freshly ground coffee shop. I shudder to even think about such infidelity.
So I lift my cup to my beloved friends who drink coffee with me at Thatcher's. Thank you for the real conversations, thank you J for hanging out in the lounge with me, and hashing out life with me. I know, we'll find another place....we will.
And here's to Mr. Thatcher and all his employees. Thank you for treading water all these months, for being genuine, for working so bloody hard, and for knowing us. We'll miss you.
Thatcher's, formerly known as Scottie MacBeans on High Street in Clintonville is only one month away from being a very fond memory. I wish there was something I could do to get out the defibrillator paddles and make the straight line go away. Denial isn't going to work...I don't have the energy for the mental charade....I'm going straight towards sad acceptance.
WHY??? Why is such a dreamy coffee shop closing? Well, there are many "makes sense" reasons, which I see myself nodding to when they are explained to me... but in my heart, I want to KICK my "makes sense self" to the curb screaming and wailing... Noooooooooo!!!!!
Dead or not.. I'm still praying for a miracle until they kick my butt out of there, pack up the roaster, the coffee can paraphernalia, the pictures, the album cover wall entertainment, the "gobble you up couches", and the big clock on the wall that always eventually points to 11:15 every time I go in there, signaling that I must stop talking, listening, dreaming and refilling and head towards the door.
Packing up the "out from behind the counter" employees is something I'm afraid they won't be able to do. They'll still be wonderful... just someplace else. Hope they leave some clues when it's all over, so we can go buy their car insurance, pick up a copy of their bestseller, or ride to Spain on the airline they buy. I know they all will find their places in the world after the coffee bean dust settles; I'm just not sure we'll find another wardrobe to wander into any time soon. Coffee Narnia is about to dump the wardrobe and even if it's really balsa wood under the fine finish, I liked my ignorance while it lasted.
So, why not just find another coffee shop??? I'll tell you....
When you walk in the door, the aroma is amazing. The brightness is kept to a minimum for us light sensitive pre-caffeinated people, and it just is very welcoming. Whether you hang out in the main dining hall or duck into the cozy lounge, there's a lazy, thoughtful atmosphere, one that begs creativity and thought collaboration. You are treated like you're important, and everyone is relaxed and honest. It's just like being in another world.
So, along with being incredibly inviting, with or without the coffee, anyone who knows me for even 5 minutes, knows how much I LOVE COFFEE. I walk with it, ride with it, carry it, spill it, buy it and I use it to get people together to socialize.
Do I like Thatcher's because I'm I picky about my coffee??? Well, I'm only picky if there is a choice between good coffee and amazing coffee, and Thatcher's is definitely amazing coffee. Now, if it's between crappy coffee WITH LOTS OF CREAMER, or NO coffee... I pick crappy coffee. Crappy coffee with NO creamer??? I don't think so... I'd rather be tired and crabby. I like yummy coffee drip brewed at home, BUT, I'd rather have yummy coffee where I can socialize. I'm more about relationships, the caffeine is secondary, a VERY close second I might add. Since I'm too cheap to buy yummy coffee for home all the time, I usually get... (oh and listen to how warped this is...)....KROGER brand Breakfast blend... BUT rather than leaving it in the tin can, I pour it into an old plastic Folgers's coffee can. Don't ask me why. I just hate the metal I guess. I know... I'm a wacko. Kroger works. It's pretty utilitarian though.
Since I'd rather socialize while I'm coffe-ing up, I like to do a coffee shop coffee a couple of times a week. I don't get the coffee drinks except once in a GREAT while...so I usually just get whatever's the flavor of the day.
I loathe bitter coffee no matter where it is. Starbucks is too cardboard containerish for me and Caribou is too rough and rugged. Panera has good generic coffee. It's dependable. It's just nothing special. Brewsters is pretty good, just too far away, so I guess that leaves Cup O Joe, which I like... it's just too cramped in their dining area. So, as you can see, finding "just another cup of coffee" is a little more complicated than it might seem.
My favorite Thatcher's flavor is Highlander Grogg. It has a wonderful butterscotch flavor that's not too sweet, and it is smooth as anything. My second favorite flavor is The Nutty Scottsman. I love getting the Nutty Scottsman when I'm having a "day". He makes me smile. He doesn't care if I'm in a bad mood. =)
An interesting fact that I learned at Thatcher's is that coffee is DEAD after one month post roasting. Coffee in a can is DEAD. This means that for one month after Thatcher's closes, I will still be able to drink hoards of purchased LIVE coffee, but come my favorite holiday, Groundhog's day, I'll be drinking the dead stuff again. Unless I miraculously find another freshly ground coffee shop. I shudder to even think about such infidelity.
So I lift my cup to my beloved friends who drink coffee with me at Thatcher's. Thank you for the real conversations, thank you J for hanging out in the lounge with me, and hashing out life with me. I know, we'll find another place....we will.
And here's to Mr. Thatcher and all his employees. Thank you for treading water all these months, for being genuine, for working so bloody hard, and for knowing us. We'll miss you.
Seeing isn't always believing
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
So it was that while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus HIMSELF drew near and went with them. Luke 24:15
Who knows why they were going to Emmaus…who knows who the other guy with Cleopas was, and WHY we had never heard much about him before this point… but nonetheless, this good sized walk was on their plate for the day, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.
They were grieved beyond belief, but not beyond words, for they just talked and talked about their REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE of watching “The Passion of the Christ”on the full color screen of life. They were processing, as many of us have after watching that unbelievably gripping, life changing movie. Not knowing the end of the story, they were left in a pit, knowing that there was something so very very wrong that had just happened 2 days earlier, it must have felt unbearably helpless as well for them to know they could never ever bring that amazing Man back. I don’t know if they were ripped to shreds at their abandonment of Jesus in his darkest hour, or their wonderment at HOW they could have PREVENTED this from happening; but these men had BEEN with Jesus…had tasted of His presence, his love and power, and were now left with a canyon sized hole in their hearts that needed a good filling.
I am amazed at Jesus’ love for these men, that He would choose to spend some very sweet time with some guys that he had invested in so dearly, but who still DIDN’T GET IT! Still didn’t want to risk. He was willing to walk it out with them, and listened to every bit of misunderstanding they still had. Their problem was they were slow of heart. And I believe Jesus was there to address this very crucial issue. He could have let them see who He was from the very beginning of their journey, but they needed to see Him with their hearts as well as their eyes. And that’s what He was giving them every opportunity to do.
When they got to their destination, which may or may not have been THE destination, as Jesus mentioned He wanted to still walk on farther… they asked HIM to abide with THEM!!! Crazy!!
But that’s just like Jesus…even when it’s supposed to be the other way around, He’s willing to abide with us, break bread with us right where we’re at… in the right town or not, and open our eyes to really see Him. I wonder if it was WHAT He said, when He prayed the blessing over the bread, if the words were a little too familiar, perhaps similar to what they had heard when He blessed the bread and broke it for the 5 thousand, or one of the countless times they had eaten with Him in Mary and Martha’s house. Or could it have been the very fresh scars that peeked through the sleeves of His robe as He tore the bread for them, once again. Who knows what “did it” for them… but they saw Him, KNEW Him, and then He was GONE.. poof… vanished… Now, go share that little tidbit about Him with your kids!! In His absense, they remembered “that feeling” they had while He was speaking with them, and was opening the Scriptures up to them on the way there. Their hearts had burned… but not to the point of truly igniting and catching fire to a fresh wind of belief that would have ROCKED their little walk with Jesus. Nonetheless, something in them had known a few miles back, that this was no ordinary Man.
Jesus,
Thank you for all the times you have walked with me, as I have conversed and reasoned…talking all ABOUT you… but not TO You. Lord, seriously open the eyes of my understanding, I really really want to see You. You’re the only thing that will soothe my soul. You are the only way I want to go. God… intercept my “way” today, and I pray that if you want to still “journey on” I wouldn’t get caught up in my destination, but that You would take me where You’re going. Jesus, I want to have a quick heart to believe. I know that I am in the same boat as these two followers of Yours, only I know the story, I get to ask You for the things that I can see they lacked. If there is only one thing I can have at this moment. I want You. You Yourself… the real Jesus. I want to be where YOU are. God..I’m going to seek You, as this burning in my heart won’t quit. I know it’s part of hoping, part of what this side of heaven is like. Lord our bodies, our hearts, everything that is US, as humans… Jesus, we long for You so. Thank you that you say to us… “Handle Me and see!!! Luke 24:39”… You will be found, touched, and wept over.
So it was that while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus HIMSELF drew near and went with them. Luke 24:15
Who knows why they were going to Emmaus…who knows who the other guy with Cleopas was, and WHY we had never heard much about him before this point… but nonetheless, this good sized walk was on their plate for the day, the day of Jesus’ resurrection.
They were grieved beyond belief, but not beyond words, for they just talked and talked about their REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE of watching “The Passion of the Christ”on the full color screen of life. They were processing, as many of us have after watching that unbelievably gripping, life changing movie. Not knowing the end of the story, they were left in a pit, knowing that there was something so very very wrong that had just happened 2 days earlier, it must have felt unbearably helpless as well for them to know they could never ever bring that amazing Man back. I don’t know if they were ripped to shreds at their abandonment of Jesus in his darkest hour, or their wonderment at HOW they could have PREVENTED this from happening; but these men had BEEN with Jesus…had tasted of His presence, his love and power, and were now left with a canyon sized hole in their hearts that needed a good filling.
I am amazed at Jesus’ love for these men, that He would choose to spend some very sweet time with some guys that he had invested in so dearly, but who still DIDN’T GET IT! Still didn’t want to risk. He was willing to walk it out with them, and listened to every bit of misunderstanding they still had. Their problem was they were slow of heart. And I believe Jesus was there to address this very crucial issue. He could have let them see who He was from the very beginning of their journey, but they needed to see Him with their hearts as well as their eyes. And that’s what He was giving them every opportunity to do.
When they got to their destination, which may or may not have been THE destination, as Jesus mentioned He wanted to still walk on farther… they asked HIM to abide with THEM!!! Crazy!!
But that’s just like Jesus…even when it’s supposed to be the other way around, He’s willing to abide with us, break bread with us right where we’re at… in the right town or not, and open our eyes to really see Him. I wonder if it was WHAT He said, when He prayed the blessing over the bread, if the words were a little too familiar, perhaps similar to what they had heard when He blessed the bread and broke it for the 5 thousand, or one of the countless times they had eaten with Him in Mary and Martha’s house. Or could it have been the very fresh scars that peeked through the sleeves of His robe as He tore the bread for them, once again. Who knows what “did it” for them… but they saw Him, KNEW Him, and then He was GONE.. poof… vanished… Now, go share that little tidbit about Him with your kids!! In His absense, they remembered “that feeling” they had while He was speaking with them, and was opening the Scriptures up to them on the way there. Their hearts had burned… but not to the point of truly igniting and catching fire to a fresh wind of belief that would have ROCKED their little walk with Jesus. Nonetheless, something in them had known a few miles back, that this was no ordinary Man.
Jesus,
Thank you for all the times you have walked with me, as I have conversed and reasoned…talking all ABOUT you… but not TO You. Lord, seriously open the eyes of my understanding, I really really want to see You. You’re the only thing that will soothe my soul. You are the only way I want to go. God… intercept my “way” today, and I pray that if you want to still “journey on” I wouldn’t get caught up in my destination, but that You would take me where You’re going. Jesus, I want to have a quick heart to believe. I know that I am in the same boat as these two followers of Yours, only I know the story, I get to ask You for the things that I can see they lacked. If there is only one thing I can have at this moment. I want You. You Yourself… the real Jesus. I want to be where YOU are. God..I’m going to seek You, as this burning in my heart won’t quit. I know it’s part of hoping, part of what this side of heaven is like. Lord our bodies, our hearts, everything that is US, as humans… Jesus, we long for You so. Thank you that you say to us… “Handle Me and see!!! Luke 24:39”… You will be found, touched, and wept over.
Dusty Feet Dry Hands
March 06
I was in Bath & Body Works today, and feel like I had a divine moment. For one.. I NEVER go in there. The last time I set foot in one was like 3,4 years ago in an AIRPORT on my way to my cousin's wedding, when I was alone!! Additionally, I don't even think about taking Trevor such places... but since I had a coupon and "NEEDED" oh yea... "needed"...to buy some lotion... I went in to see how LITTLE money I could spend and how fast I could get out of there with my $13 free item.
I've always been rather embarrassed of my hands, and this time of the year, they are so dry, it's like I have crocodile skin. I'm lucky if they're simply NOT bleeding, they can get so bad. WELL, I saw this stuff for SUPER SUPER dry hands and the sales girl asked me if I wanted to try it. I OF COURSE said yes... and she proceeded to put some on her OWN wrist, and I was thinking... hummmm... uh, how is that.. uh... and well, before I could figure out what she was doing... she was PUTTING LOTION ON MY HANDS!!!! Ok... this is definitely one of those areas of struggle for me...maybe because I'm embarassed of my hands, but mostly because SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT!! It was really humbling, BUT I really just soaked it all in, literally, and felt like WOW... I am getting more than just $13 of free stuff... I just got a free hand massage!!!
Here's a stranger putting lotion on my really really dry hands, and I felt like Jesus was doing it. Interrupting my busy day with a moment of pampering me with something I could have totally done for myself. It's just like Him to humble Himself and serve us at not only our deepest need, but our most practical need. Our hands are so important as women. We serve with them all day, in countless ways. Through the forms we fill out, the hugs we give, the debit cards we use, the groceries we buy and load onto the belt at the checkout, and then into our cars, and then into our homes, and into our cupboards, our hands are working overtime most of the time. We get the mail, cook dinner, bathe our children, vacuum the floors, change the sheets on the beds, write thank you notes and Birthday cards, work at our jobs, feed the pets, fold the laundry.... and like FEET on a dusty road...way back then, that got DIRTY... our hands get DRY!!! Especially in the winter. I treasure the way we all individually use our hands to do this thing called womanhood. But we need each other.
So, the next time you dig in your purse to find that tube of lotion, put some on your own hands and then reach out and shock that friend beside you. Not only will you be meeting a very practical need, you just may even be used of God to do something meaningful for them through human touch and a little humility. If the whole "lotioning someone else's hands just freaks you out too much (I'm not too sure how long it will take me to get up the nerve... guess I need to go work at Bath & Body Works to get desensitized??? Yea!! That's an idea!!!) just take the next opportunity that presents itself, to be Jesus to someone, and do for them something simple that they could do for themselves.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Funny girls
Not knowing when your mom is going to fly in the door in a frenzy of "letting you in on her life"..... is sorta like opening a roll of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and not knowing when it's actually going to pop. You can rip the whole foil thing off sometimes and NOTHING happens.... other times you barely touch the thing and it pops open at you. Today, I found myself, KNOWING my mom, and in a way... going to the utensil drawer and getting out that spoon to start pressing on the unopened seam... ready and almost willing to be a part of the pop.
In all my calculations... I figured she probably went to bed at 8pm last night.... and was pretty wound up thinking about the trip and navigating Chicago, as she's on her way from just outside Milwaukee. My brother offered her his GPS, which she was trying to tell me about over the phone last week and kept calling it his "GPA". I think it was his way of feeling like he did a "good job" of sending her off. So knowing her, I imagine she either had trouble sleeping, or woke up at 2 or 3am, NATURALLY, and thought... what the heck... I might as well leave. (Funny thing is, as early as I'm guessing, I'm still probably an hour off). So this morning I was thinking... 1 hour to the border, 3 hours thru Chicago... 2 hours to Indi, 3 hours and she's here... plus the time change.... NOON arrival.... Not a minute later. But when I just called her (the spoon part) to find out where she was....she was all flustered because she had a "nightmare" in Chicago, and even though she was home free on I 70, her GPS was telling her that she needed to get off at 35 in a few miles. She said she had 120 miles to my house and she wasn't going to listen to that thing. I asked her if she was able to share her "nightmare story" or wanted to share it later when she got here... and she said.. "no... I can't talk... I'm going 75." =)
WELL, while I was writing about this and chuckling to myself at how predictable and funny she is, I hear a stir coming from outside my window and when I peeked out the window, there's my 8 year old daughter outside in her pajamas. As I walked into the stairwell, my 9 year old son is in the entryway with the pool skimmer ready to walk outside in his bare feet. Mind you it's March and very wet outside. I ran to my youngest son's room as I began to put all the pieces together and when I looked out his window there was a large assortment of books, the "robot claw", and stuffed animals all out on the roof. Basically the Columbus zoo on wheels was at my house and clearly I was unaware of it until that moment. As I am peeking out the window, realizing what I needed to do, there to my horror is my neighbor walking down his driveway with a cup of coffee, watching the "better than TV" morning drama across the street for free. I told him, all hell was breaking loose as my husband was out of town and by the way......I was about to crawl out on the roof... hoped he was having a good day too. I sat my bottom on the wet roof and gathered the animals, book and blocks and threw them into the window one at a time as he watched with glee... and then I told him I was going to go back in the window now... I'd see him later. I don't know what look I had on my face when I came in that window... but when I declared..."Family meeting on the couch downstairs NOW"... there wasn't a child who didn't flee to the couch for dear life. I sent the neighbor boy home, shut the garage door, locked the front door up and went on take hold of a very "teachable moment".
The truth is, if you look at my life, and my mom's life in parallel... we're both funny girls. I guess we can't help it... it's in the gene pool. Maybe my 9 year old was right about needing to get out the skimmer.
In all my calculations... I figured she probably went to bed at 8pm last night.... and was pretty wound up thinking about the trip and navigating Chicago, as she's on her way from just outside Milwaukee. My brother offered her his GPS, which she was trying to tell me about over the phone last week and kept calling it his "GPA". I think it was his way of feeling like he did a "good job" of sending her off. So knowing her, I imagine she either had trouble sleeping, or woke up at 2 or 3am, NATURALLY, and thought... what the heck... I might as well leave. (Funny thing is, as early as I'm guessing, I'm still probably an hour off). So this morning I was thinking... 1 hour to the border, 3 hours thru Chicago... 2 hours to Indi, 3 hours and she's here... plus the time change.... NOON arrival.... Not a minute later. But when I just called her (the spoon part) to find out where she was....she was all flustered because she had a "nightmare" in Chicago, and even though she was home free on I 70, her GPS was telling her that she needed to get off at 35 in a few miles. She said she had 120 miles to my house and she wasn't going to listen to that thing. I asked her if she was able to share her "nightmare story" or wanted to share it later when she got here... and she said.. "no... I can't talk... I'm going 75." =)
WELL, while I was writing about this and chuckling to myself at how predictable and funny she is, I hear a stir coming from outside my window and when I peeked out the window, there's my 8 year old daughter outside in her pajamas. As I walked into the stairwell, my 9 year old son is in the entryway with the pool skimmer ready to walk outside in his bare feet. Mind you it's March and very wet outside. I ran to my youngest son's room as I began to put all the pieces together and when I looked out his window there was a large assortment of books, the "robot claw", and stuffed animals all out on the roof. Basically the Columbus zoo on wheels was at my house and clearly I was unaware of it until that moment. As I am peeking out the window, realizing what I needed to do, there to my horror is my neighbor walking down his driveway with a cup of coffee, watching the "better than TV" morning drama across the street for free. I told him, all hell was breaking loose as my husband was out of town and by the way......I was about to crawl out on the roof... hoped he was having a good day too. I sat my bottom on the wet roof and gathered the animals, book and blocks and threw them into the window one at a time as he watched with glee... and then I told him I was going to go back in the window now... I'd see him later. I don't know what look I had on my face when I came in that window... but when I declared..."Family meeting on the couch downstairs NOW"... there wasn't a child who didn't flee to the couch for dear life. I sent the neighbor boy home, shut the garage door, locked the front door up and went on take hold of a very "teachable moment".
The truth is, if you look at my life, and my mom's life in parallel... we're both funny girls. I guess we can't help it... it's in the gene pool. Maybe my 9 year old was right about needing to get out the skimmer.
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