Raindrops on Roses

August 30, 2005
I think it is important to make lists once in a while. For me, it helps me to make sense of all the madness that is going on in my head. When I write things down, I can see the importance of things, the insanity or deception, and what exactly I believe or hold dear. It’s a good way to see what I am overly focusing on, that I need to let up on a bit, as well, as the things that motivate me, the things I shouldn’t give up on, ways I’m growing, and things that are the essence of “why I am here.”

Last night I made a list of all the things I could think of that I currently hold dear. I am sure there are things I’ll want to add and possibly even delete as I grow and change. This list includes many of the things that jazz me, or that I desperately seek. They are things that I desire, need, want, enjoy, relish, or that I am simply thankful for. You can figure out which is which! They are in complete random order, except for my pitiful efforts to try to categorize them a bit.
I know there will be some glaring things missing from the list due to my own scatterbrained nature or just because… I’m being really honest. It’ll just give those of you who know me a chance to exercise #’s 6 & 7 on the “personal security” list. =)

Oh, it really didn’t take that long at all to come up with the list, about 20 minutes to jot down what came to mind. I feel quite purged in a sense after doing it. (There’s another one to add to the list). If anyone would enjoy listing a few of their favorite things in the comment section…. =) that would be my #2 on the “personal security” list. No pressure!

Comfort
1. Time to think
2. Time alone
3. Time period
4. Silence
5. Adequate sleep
6. Sanctity of my bed
7. Sanctity of my shower
8. A good solid, it’s sooo good to see you, hug
9. A word spoken in due season
10. Coffee
11. Chocolate
12. Listening ears
13. Commiserating friends
14. Peace that passes understanding
15. Panera’s French toast bagels
16. The sound of birds chirping outside before anyone else is up making noise
17. Kindness

Personal Security
1. Belonging
2. Connecting
3. Competency
4. Feeling understood
5. Feeling needed (funny that I don’t really need to BE understood or needed … I just want to feel like I am!)
6. Having friends who can lovingly confront me
7. Having friends who pray for me
8. People who are patient with me
9. Being looked out for
10. Loyalty
11. Being comfortable with brutally honest, super safe people, who won’t kick me to the curb when they see the pieces of me I hide, or think I am hiding.
Friendship
1. Close friendships
2. Super close friendships
3. Friends being honest with me
4. Security and comfort with friends… (See above lists)
5. Coffee dates with girlfriends
6. Walk out my faith with others
7. Being honest with friends

Growing relationship with God
1. Intimacy with Jesus
2. Understanding my identity as God’s daughter better
3. Knowing God for who He really is
4. Seeing God do radical stuff
5. Hearing God’s voice
6. Becoming a better repenter without freezing up under condemnation before I even get to the throne room
7. Seeing God’s glory

Personal growth
1. Being an encouragement
2. Speaking truth
3. Being used by God
4. Becoming a woman of faith
5. Becoming a faithful person
6. Connecting with my kids
7. Memorizing scripture that I use on a daily basis in my walk that I always have to look up again and again… that I should know by now!
8. I’d like to become better at balancing my home with the other things I love. Honestly put….spending as little time as possible to get my home in order so that I have extra time left over to guiltlessly spend writing, and with people I enjoy.
9. I’d like to be a better light for Jesus at work, at the kids’ schools, at the library, in girl & boy scouts and at the grocery store, to name a few. I want to become an authentic Christian, one who draws people into wanting to know Jesus.
10. I want to be a better planner
11. I want to really know and understand the Bible better
Maybe join one of the “through the Bible in 7 years” Bible studies I have heard about-once the kids are all in school all day.
12. Writing daily
13. Being encouraged

Family growth
1. Growing closer as a family
2. Becoming a giving, loving family
3. Living within our means
4. Domestic tranquility =) (school house rock song coming to mind???)

Physical Security
1. My kids’ safety and health be it mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, both at school, and wherever, for today, tomorrow and forever.
2. The safety and health of others
3. My safety and health-it is soooo hard to be “taken out” temporarily by health issues or injury… especially as a mom.

People in general
1. Seeing and hearing people laugh
2. Anyone who is excited about God
3. People who lean into Jesus when life doesn’t make sense
4. Women discovering the jazz of reading the Bible
5. People who own their issues, and are humble enough to ask for help or forgiveness and who seek God’s grace and truth
6. The fragility of humans (seems to contradict #5… but I still savor it)

Not sure where to put these…. still important though
1. Sanctity of life
2. Someday writing a book … something along the lines of… how to survive when the things on this list don’t work out the way you want them to. (Just kidding… about the title)
3. Mountains
4. Creativity
5. Freedom
6. My kids growing up and remembering all that they have been taught that is useful, loving, wise, and God centered.
7. My kids learning from the mistakes of all they have been taught due to human weakness.
8. Purging
9. Getting a cabin at Lake Hope for a few days
10. Being lazy at my Aunt and Uncle’s cottage on the lake
11. Walks in the woods

Short term home improvement goals, over the next couple of years
Kitchen-redone, café colors (brickish/copper/cream/browns)
Downstairs bathroom-floor tiled, periwinkle paint, white accents/fresh clean look
Basement- GET RID OF GREEN HIDEOUS CARPET that’ll be the first step... and it’ll take a while to see this one happen.
Laundry room- I want a laundry HAVEN, not big $, no new appliances, just pretty, uplifting, and a place I don’t want to leave. =)
Get rid of the crappy orange couch that has the green slipcover on it. It grieves me!